Why do so many people not know how to shake hands properly? In my life, I have occasion to shake many hands of all different ages and classes, and am astounded how strange hand-shaking has become. It can be jarring.

The handshake is the greeting we give to a new person entering our lives, however briefly. The handshake is supposed to convey some measure of delight or interest in meeting someone new. But the handshake seems to be a lost art, perhaps because parents don't teach their children how to shake hands properly. They need to.

The Limp Handshake:  Mainly women but some men offer a limp hand to shake. This is probably the most egregious faux paw. They simply extend their utterly limp hand for you to shake but they don't grasp yours. That is just bad manners and makes me want to wipe my hand off afterwards.

The Cupped Handshake: This is just weird. A pastor I met the other day shook my hand with a cupped hand so that our palms dare not touch. It was really unpleasant and jarring. Is he afraid of contamination? Who taught him to shake hands like that? It's off-putting. Please don't inflict that on anyone.

The Jackhammer Handshake: Enough to dislocate the shoulder in an overly enthusiastic, overly long handshake. Three to four moderate pumps are enough. You're not trying to extricate yourself from a live electrical socket.

The Overly Aggressive Iron Grip: This is just too much macho to appreciate. Some people have arthritis, Ahhnold.

The most unpleasant handshake of all is the Wet Fish Handshake — no grip, limp, sometimes sweaty. Women are the prime offenders here. Please don’t do that. 

Open letter to women shaking hands with other women: Please get a grip. Grasp the other person’s hand firmly unless you know they have arthritis or are very old. Ditto women shaking hands with men – grasp firmly.

To men shaking hands with women: Women can take a firm grip. Grasp hard enough to feel firm but not crushing. To men shaking hands with other men, this isn't a macho contest. Loosen up somewhat.

Why does this even matter? With all the other important cultural matters, how is this important? Good manners may be on the wane for many, but they should not be. How you shake hands with others telegraphs your confidence, your sincerity, and your intentions.

A weak handshake can indicate unwillingness to address new people or even to engage socially. Your handshake conveys what you think of yourself and the person you’re shaking hands with. A weak handshake conveys either lack of good manners, lack of integrity, boredom, or your own insecurity.  An overly aggressive handshake conveys dominance or egocentrism, sometimes deception, and in extreme cases, hostility.  Find the middle and go there. Your handshake is the first thing people learn about you.

As you were.

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