During my police career, I often sat on interview boards for police applicants. I was amazed at how many applying for a job requiring great personal integrity, common sense and understanding of human nature had no apparent idea of personal hygiene. Some apparently had neither bathtubs, showers, soap nor the knowledge or inclination to use them. One could tell what many had for lunch by the fresh stains on their clothing. Plenty had enough piercings to set off airport metal detectors from the parking lot. Others obviously didn’t own a toothbrush, and their breath violated biological war conventions. Still others obviously never passed a tattoo parlor without a lengthy visit, as poorly done ink flowed onto their necks and faces. Some showed up obviously drunk, stoned, even reeking like a burning bale of pot. A few even tried to borrow money from me, a police supervisor and complete stranger.

Graphic: Ron Clausen, Wikimedia Commons.org, Delta Airlines jet climbing over Federal Way WA,  CCA-SA 4.0 International.

Of course that was back in the days before woke and defunded police. We always had more than enough qualified people applying for every opening.  Now, every facet of society is infected, including airlines like Delta, desperately trying to recruit flight attendants, people who work in close proximity to actual, sane people and who have to at least appear to be more or less "normal."

Normal: adjective. Not prone to frighten the cattle or stampede the women and children.

A leaked document reveals Delta is now having to tell potential recruits not to do incredibly gross and stupid things when they arrive for flight attendant interviews:

As well as telling applicants that “proper undergarments must be worn but must not be visible[?!],” the document also reminds potential new-hire flight attendants that they should not use profanity during their interview and that chewing gum isn’t permitted throughout the assessment day.

Other things Delta is unreasonably demanding is applicants have clean and trimmed fingernails, that they be clean and non-smelly, have no visible tattoos, can only wear scents if “applied lightly” and can wear fingernail polish only if every finger is the same color and they’re not wildly colored.  Hair has to be “natural looking,” and they’re limited to a single nose piercing and no more than two earrings per ear, with no hoops, gauges, etc.

Despite these unconscionable limitations on diversity, inclusion and other woke stuff, Delta is apparently overloaded with applications as are the other airlines. How can flight attendants express their unique lived experiences and marvelous diversity and cultural imperatives if they can’t stink, swear, wear sagging pants, chew gum, sport hairdos that look as though they were the result of explosions in paint factories, wear enough piercings to overpower jet engine thrust, and dose themselves with enough perfume, cologne and other scents sufficient to clog cabin oxygen systems?

I suppose farting, nose and toe picking, spitting and crotch scratching are out too?

Still, we should be grateful to Delta. They’re not going to change things like 11-inch-wide, rock hard seats and no food and drink or other amenities without exorbitant prices. They’re not going to rescind astronomical prices for single pieces of baggage, and all the other indignities modern air travel imposes. So requiring flight attendants to at least look and smell somewhat human and sane is at least one small step in the right direction.

Graphic: Een stewardess deelt flesjes drank uit, Bestanddeelnr 252-2070. Wikimedia Commons.org, CC CCO 1.0 Universal Public Domain.

Still, who among the sane can help but long for earlier, more civilized, perhaps even a bit less “colorful,” and a lot less malodorous, times. When we have to remind applicants for jobs like this not to be offensive in every possible way, can the fall of western civilization be far behind?

Mike McDaniel is a USAF veteran, classically trained musician, Japanese and European fencer, life-long athlete, firearm instructor, retired police officer and high school and college English teacher. He is a published author and blogger. His home blog is Stately McDaniel Manor.