President Joseph R. Biden today urged the Poles show restraint in their response to the Nazi invasion.  “A violent response will not be useful,” the president said. “I say to those still alive in Poland that they need to declare their survival a victory and forget about starting a war.”

The president went on to caution Poland against their increasing carbon footprint due to their burning cities. “Climate change is the greatest threat facing not just Poland, but the entire globe,” he said.

In a press conference at the White House this morning, Vice President Kamala Harris echoed the president’s concerns, adding that the Germans are “not going to stop. They’re not going to stop. They’re not. This is a movement. I’m telling you. They’re not going to stop, and everyone, beware. Because they’re not going to stop. They’re not going to stop before election day in November, and they are not going to stop after election day. And everyone should take note of that on both levels. That they’re not going to let up. And they should not, and we should not.”

Harris, the Democrat Party nominee for president in the coming election, said that she is giving the Poles the same advice she gave the Czechs after British PM Neville Chamberlain persuaded them to give up part of their country to Chancellor Hitler in the name of peace. “They should look to the future. They need to think what can be, unburdened by what has been.”

Asked by a Fox News reporter what that means, Harris said, “In the first place, it is absolutely silly for the Polish army to try to fight tanks from horseback. Horses are a major contributor to climate change.  Poland has to develop electric tanks. They can do that by converting some of their electric school bus factories.”

A NewsMax reporter found President Biden in the Rose Garden and asked if the U.S. would aid Poland in resisting the German invasion. “Of course,” Biden said. “We will consider replacing any javelins that were lost yesterday.” “Umm, Mr. President,” the reporter said. “the Javelin hasn’t been invented yet.”

“I mean the spears cavalrymen use!” Biden said. “Come on, man! You haven’t been around a modern battlefield, have you, young woman. Of course, we will also provide blankets and MREs -- goulash, of course. It’s what they eat over there. No joke. By the way, do you know where my press conference is? Vice President Harris is supposed to meet me there.”

Escorting the president to the White House Press Room, the reporter asked about giving the Poles heavy weapons to resist the Nazis “No!” Biden snapped. “They don’t need 2,000-pound bombs. They would be of no use in that conflict.” He then surprised the reporter by stopping to sniff her hair before entering the corridor to the press room, where a Secret Service agent rushed to meet the president.

Biden took the podium saying, “I’m glad President Harris was able to join me today to address the important issue of the Polish attack on Nazi Germany yesterday. We are urging all parties to show restraint. The only solution to conflict is diplomacy. My Secretary of State, Andy Blinker, is on his way now to tell Prime Minister Chamberpot that they should not interfere in what is an internal matter.”

Harris cackled, “Antony Blinken, Mr. President, he didn’t fall out of a coconut tree!” Addressing the reporters, she said, “We will continue to closely monitor the situation, and to urge all parties to focus on what can be, unburdened by what has been.” Taking the president’s hand, she led him from the podium.

Image: AT via Magic Studio