My favorite alien landed on this continent from the alien land of the U.K. over 35 years back, ostensibly on a work visa, which he promptly overstayed.  He ended up marrying an American and having children (now adults) and divorcing, working for American companies for most of the time, and now is retired.

He’s a septuagenarian, collecting Social Security that he paid into in his past work, and holds a U.K passport that he uses to travel internationally.  His barely veiled European superiority complex is obvious to his friends and others.

He never felt the need to become a U.S. citizen despite his illegal status, and despite marrying an American citizen.  He’s an illegal alien, a federal lawbreaker, and an invader of our once-fine country.

Charge him a grand, immediately.  Heck, charge him five grand to start (payment plans will be available), and make him pay a fee for every year he overstayed.  Make him register with the federal government annually from here on out.  Deny him the opportunity to ever be a citizen (he’s not only disrespectful of our customs, but had plenty of time to become a citizen).

He shouldn’t be able to wriggle free of the quicksand he’s mired himself in by disrespecting and hating our laws.  His insouciance and criminality make him liable, and also deplorable.

Don’t get me wrong — I once really liked this guy, whom I’ll call Andrew.  He is one of the best verbal storytellers I’ve ever heard, which is to say he can be very funny.  When he’s drunk, he can slip into an indecipherable Scots brogue that sounds like a soused Mr. Scott on Star Trek trying to chat with a mouthful of beer and haggis.

Many of us have them — a favorite alien, named Andrew or Ernesto or Juan or Achembe or something hopefully foreign-sounding, ’cause the more foreign, the better, since it makes us feel grand to know we are sharing our country with the world, and ain’t we so fine?

But the thing is, our favorite alien friendships are like making pets of scorpions.  For a while, the friendship may seem to work, but illegals often are divided, resentful souls, and hateful of others (because they secretly or unconsciously loathe themselves).  Eventually, they will get overly aggressive or passive-aggressive with us for the umpteenth time.  Then, we’ll think, “my old chap” or “mijo” is a jagoff.

Forget him — he’s just another criminal invader, lacking a conscience.  His attitude represents a tearing down of our laws, a degradation of our culture, a ripping down of national borders.  And his entitled attitude makes me say, for those here ten years or more, charge them an initial fine of ten grand.

So let’s at least charge these arrogant lawbreakers a grand, immediately.  These folks are an untapped source of income for U.S. citizens who need help, and these criminals are folks who take jobs citizens should have and who need to be made an example of if we’re ever going to get people to start to obey our immigration laws.

We’re talking about millions of people who’ve overstayed their work or travel visas to the U.S. and have been here for years.  A thousand dollars times how many millions?  That’s a lotta moolah.

Deny them the opportunity ever to be a citizen.  Allow legal residency, under certain conditions, and only if they pay a $1,000 annual fee for the privilege.

For all of these illegals who in any way express their political views (which are nearly always ultra-liberal and globalist) — with friends, in print, or in a public setting — make them pay an annual fee to be allowed to stay in the country and also be considered by the U.S. a “foreign agent.”

We don’t owe foreign agents the right to free speech, and we do not owe the right to illegal aliens.  They have the right to self-deport before we boot them.  That is all.

If these favorite and not-so-favorite aliens of ours fail to pay any of the above fees, deport them to their home countries at their own expense.  Take their fines out of their Social Security if they get it.  Attach their bank and retirement accounts.  Make them feel pain and continue to pay as long as they stay here, where they have no right to be, and where they act as if they are entitled to as much as a tenth-generation true-born American.

Charge them all a grand, each, but only to start, and not in total — not even close.  While we’re at it, charge all of these illegals’ employers, who’ve employed them while they unlawfully were here, $250 apiece per company.  (They’d be getting off easy for undercutting Americans’ earning power.)

This is low-hanging fruit, and a way to make scads of dollars while enforcing the law (while encouraging many illegals to self-deport, and many companies to stop hiring illegals.)

Charge them all a grand, to start.  And keep them paying as long as they stay.

J.B Pensyltucky is tired of the traitors, thieves, and liars.

Image via Needpix.