Among the many women who claim that they’d feel safer encountering a bear in the forest than a man (because “men are scary”) is author and Guggenheim fellow Julia Phillips.

Perhaps it is not men or bears that present the most danger in the forest. Not only do women initiate domestic violence against men (we just don’t report it), but they are also going on violent rampages in forests.

Just look at these raving woods women who have completely lost all sense of equanimity. Yikes. It seems their electro-chemical imbalances are disrupting their brains’ normal neuro pathways. So disturbed are they that rather than peacefully commune with nature, perhaps engaging in a little soul-searching, meditation, and “forest bathing,” they are pounding the ground and beating their sticks to smithereens.

Unsurprisingly, they tend to have a liberal bent. Look here: even the bears don’t understand what on God’s green earth is going on with the hysterical female hominids upsetting the tranquil ambience.

Intrepid explorers Lewis and Clark were (almost) intimidated by grizzly bears, describing them as “turrible.” That’s probably how they spelled back then, but it could be a portmanteau for “terrible” and “trouble.” But they may not be as “turrible” as those screaming liberal women flailing sticks every which way. Their spoiled, untoward behavior disturbing the natural, peaceful ecosystem.

Confronted with the horrible Hobson’s choice of running across a bear or a gang of raging liberal women in the forest, I might just choose the former. Bears have simple survival imperatives derived from nature’s dictates. They may be more predictable as they just follow their instincts to protect their cubs and fulfill their basic needs. Some commonsense human behaviors can preempt a bear attack. But good luck navigating the gauntlet of those possessed women-of-the-woods who are subsumed by liberal rage.

Nature is known to soothe the soul, but what they need to calm their tormented spirits is not in the forest. Instead, for some lasting resilience against the liberal mental disease, they might reflect on Harrison Butker’s message in his commencement speech at Benedictine College recommending that the women graduates consider becoming homemakers. After all, a main reason that liberal women, in particular, are dissatisfied with their lives is their repudiation of marriage and family life. Their gender-studies (or equivalent) indoctrination that independence (none of us truly are), freedom and career engenders lasting happiness often proves to be misguided.

Pity not only them, but those who have to put up with them. Not the forest, but a shrink’s clinic may be needed to transform their state-of-nature primal rage into civic sociability. Followed by more foundational wisdom from Butker’s family-first reflections.

After therapy, perhaps they will smell the roses and hear the birds again. That’s certainly more melodic than their mentally-imbalanced, witch-like shrieks haunting the woods.

Image: Public Domain