Everyone knows the queer are stunning and brave…and morally and intellectually superior…and a higher plane of existence…and…and… and they’re afraid of people eating fruit, which doesn’t seem all that brave or stunning: 

Theatregoers for an upcoming London show have been given a trigger warning over the sound of people eating on stage.

Graphic: X Screenshot

Sadler’s Wells has warned ticket holders for the two performances of Out at Lilian Baylis Studio in Finsbury later this month may find the noise “uncomfortable”.

Out is advertised as a musical duet, which “defiantly challenges homophobia and transphobia” and aims to “reimagine, reclaim and celebrate aspects of Caribbean culture from a queer perspective”.

Customers wishing to purchase the £17 tickets are also told that as the production involves oranges it may not be suitable for those with citrus allergies.

“The performance contains sounds of people eating so those with misophonia might find some parts uncomfortable.”

Just what is “queer” these days?  Dictionary.com tells us:  

Graphic: Dictionary.com Screenshot

So, pretty much anyone identifying as anything other than a Normal American. And what, pray tell, might “misophonia” be?  Dictionary.com, again, helps out: 

Graphic: Dictionary.com Screenshot

Hmmm.  Queer and prone to “impulsive aggression. Stunning and brave to be sure, and apparently all this has to do with “reimagining, reclaiming and celebrating aspects of Caribbean culture from a queer perspective?”  So, fruity violence then, provoked by the sound of eating oranges?

Crazy? Of course, but we live in a time when merely tolerating the antics of the 
queer” is insufficient. “Silence is violence” we are told at ear-splitting volume levels. It is not enough to live and let live. The queer, driven to violence by the sound of orange consumption, must be affirmed and praised. Their moral and intellectual superiority must be acknowledged and worshipped, and appropriate trigger warnings must be provided, not just for normal misophonia victim but for queer misophonia sufferers, who presumably would be the patrons of a queer Caribbean play, or whatever such things are now called.

Odd that. I was unaware of the essentially queer nature of the Caribbean, though I was aware that region produced a great deal of fruit. But far be it from me to get in the way of any effort, theatrical or otherwise, to “reimagine, reclaim and celebrate aspects of Caribbean culture from a queer perspective.” Who knew such was necessary?

And what might those “aspects” be? Will they celebrate queer misophonia, or seek to stamp out eating fruit in the Caribbean, the better to protect queer misophoniacs?

In any case, this is obviously yet another thing about which I must inevitably be silently violent as I cruelly and ruthlessly practice white fruit eating privilege. I think I’ll have an orange.

Mike McDaniel is a USAF veteran, classically trained musician, Japanese and European fencer, life-long athlete, firearm instructor, retired police officer and high school and college English teacher. He is a published author and blogger. His home blog is Stately McDaniel Manor.