Remember how our corpulent, oh-so-woke Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin went AWOL, reposing in the hospital for an undetermined period after failing to inform anyone, even his own deputy, he was undergoing surgery? Remember how Joe Biden wasn’t informed? To be fair, he almost certainly wouldn’t have remembered if he were, but still. Now, about two months later, SecDef Austin is taking the matter manfully in hand:

As the U.S. juggles major international conflicts and the Ukraine and Israel-Hamas war raged, Biden’s Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin spent nearly the entire first week of 2024 in the hospital following complications from surgery.

Even at a news briefing the day of a U.S. retaliatory strike in Baghdad, the Pentagon made no mention that Austin was hospitalized 

Not to inform the president, his national security advisors or Pentagon top brass that the Defense Secretary was out of commission for days, not only violated all protocols for cabinet officals [sic], but was against the law. 

Graphic: Austin, when he had to show up for work. Wikimedia Commons.org. Public Domain.

In response, today, Sec. Austin informed congress that he instituted a 30-day review to determine how to improve the procedures for transfering [sic] power and notifying the president and senior defense officials of any break in the chain of command. 

Great idea, government! In response to Sec. Austin’s breaking the law, he instituted a 30-day review to recommend procedures not to break the law.

I know everyone who ever served in the military, is smacking themselves sharply on the forehead and exclaiming: “why didn’t I think of that?! I could have gone AWOL at will and declared a 30-day review to determine how I could avoid going AWOL in the future!”

One might be forgiven for thinking our Defense Department is run by a dimwitted malingerer, a man—of sorts—far more interested in the perks of office, turning our military into an ineffective, woke, social justice faculty lounge, and helping the Mummified Meat Puppet Administration (MMPA) afflict our allies and reward our enemies than in doing his lawful duty. But I’m torn. On one hand, his unlawful and patently irresponsible behavior—what do you think happens to 16-year-old Jimmy when he misses a week or so of work at McDonald’s without telling anyone—doesn’t appear to have had any effect on the operation of the DOD or MMPA.

Does this mean America really doesn’t need a SecDef? Does it mean we really don’t need this particular SecDef? Are we to infer not having this particular SecDef on the job is more to America’s benefit than having him on the job? Better yet, is this merely evidence of the utter incompetence and anti-American focus of the entire MMPA?

Renowned military philosopher Woody Allen said “showing up is 80% of life.” That’s a lesson Austin, despite rising to the rank of general in the Army, apparently never internalized. Or perhaps as a diversity hire, he internalized instead that normal rules of responsible, adult behavior don’t apply to him. He’s obviously internalized the bureaucratic rules of deflection and obfuscation.

So, as a fellow veteran, although one who had to, and was willing to, obey the rules of the military and the rules that produce success in life in general, to say nothing of avoiding being rude, irresponsible and selfish, I offer this “review,” which, by taking only a few minutes rather than 30 days, will save the DOD a great deal of time and money:

When you’re near the top of the chain of command able to start WWIII, release nuclear weapons and protect and preserve America and Americans, if you’re just not going to drop by the office for awhile, or you’re going to be unconscious for awhile because you’re undergoing surgery you don’t plan to tell anyone about, tell your boss beforehand. If you think you might forget, ask one of your aides for a Post-It Note, write it down, and stick it somewhere you’ll be pretty sure to see it. Add a date and time. OK, I admit, it might be hard for folks at the DOD to tell the difference between being unconscious and your normal, daily demeanor, but still, it’s the polite thing to do. I know this is hard. I know it flies in the face of the diversity hire handbook, but it’s the lawful, polite, responsible adult thing to do. The best part of this “procedure” is it only takes one person to implement: you. Well, maybe the aide with the Post-It-Note too.

I know it’s hard, but for the good of the country, do try to suck it up and soldier on. Or maybe not. It doesn't seem to make any difference.

Mike McDaniel is a USAF veteran, classically trained musician, Japanese and European fencer, life-long athlete, firearm instructor, retired police officer and high school and college English teacher. His home blog is Stately McDaniel Manor.