(This is a satire.)

No, CR is not the eighty-seven thousandth COVID variant.  It’s cranial rectitis.

People afflicted with CR—a grotesque, anatomically disfiguring disease—fail to ever see the light.  And, problematically, the onset of the visual impairment occurs instantaneously when the ailment strikes.

CR—also referred to in medical jargon as recto-cranial inversion syndrome, or R-CIS—has never been proven to be contagious, like COVID.  Nonetheless, it’s clearly plaguing an inordinate number of people in the U.S. today.  And based on how quickly it has exploded coast-to-coast, heredity can’t explain it, although genetic susceptibility has not been ruled out.  Environmental factors could also contribute, as highlighted below, but infection appears to be the most likely pathway to contract and spread the disorder.  Hence, the COVID pandemic analogy.

CR is generally considered to be a chronic malady, but some have argued that acute CR cases can occur.  The literature on this matter is ambiguous to date; science-based analytical studies are lacking, but the condition appears to be irreversible, incurable, once contracted.  As a result, acute CR symptoms become chronic with time.

Clearly, this medical condition overwhelming America and other portions of the world is not a new illness.  It has been exhibited by segments of the global population for centuries.

Read a world history book; plenty of examples can be found.  Peruse a U.S. chronological treatise.  The timeline is shorter, but numerous illustrations are in there as well.

Challengingly though, the sheer volume of cases appears to be breaking all existing CR records… both with regard to total numbers as well as on a per capita basis.  When CR was the exception, progress was still made.  Now that it’s the rule post-COVID, almost nothing productive is accomplished.

As unafflicted people know, traditionally, CR outbreaks were most common within government entities.  Consequently, the reason for believing environmental factors might contribute.

Consider Washington, D.C. as the universally-acknowledged exemplar.  Seemingly normal, non-symptomatic individuals can go there, and BAM! CR-induced sightlessness!

As a mundane illustration, when was the last time “regular order”—passing individual funding bills—was conducted for a full session by Congress?  It seems like decades ago.

Welcome to today’s U.S. Congress… a prime example of cranial rectitis.

But let’s consider some other, much more problematic, federal government examples of CR.

When Joe Biden took office the U.S. was energy independent—an awesome accomplishment by the previous administration—and immediately, he and his team killed it by shutting down oil and gas projects nationwide. (I recently wrote a blog on Ayn Rand, briefly covering this policy initiative.)

And, so began Bidenomics… another prime example of cranial rectitis.

The magnitude of the military ineptitude shown by the Afghanistan withdrawal is still hard to comprehend.  However, early on in the fiasco, I penned a comparison to the botched departure from Vietnam using Forrest Gump’s “stupid is as stupid does” wisdom. As stressed in that 2021 critique:

How Afghanistan will compare to Vietnam in the long run is to be determined, but ‘stupid is as stupid does’ is what comes when politicos don’t learn from history.  Unfortunately, it’s the norm in Washington, D.C., where the I.Q. of a cabbage -- skunk cabbage -- is as good as it ever gets.

Welcome to today’s Pentagon … a prime example of cranial rectitis.

Having spent a portion of my academic career in cancer research, the National Institutes of Health were held in high regard by me and my colleagues, and the peer-review funding process throughout NIH was rigorous and demanding.

So, how in the “H” did NIH end up sponsoring gain-of-function coronavirus research and development in China?  Doesn’t that equate to supporting biological warfare R&D… in a communist country that wants to destroy America?

Gee, what could possibly go wrong with that?

Forget “China virus” as the descriptor—“NIH-funded Chinese bioweapon” would be much more accurate.

Welcome to today’s NIH… a prime example of cranial rectitis.

The federal CR list could go on and on with open borders and the like, but that would be never ending.  Plus, state and local governments contribute significantly to the CR disaster as well.  Essentially any law passed in California, Oregon, and a host of other blue states in recent years would count as CR.  Then you could get into blue cities defunding the police and all sorts of related CR BS at the local level.  But these are all government examples.

The Herculean problem today is that CR is no longer an attribute primarily of legislative and associated bureaucratic organizations.  Huge, huge portions of America’s general population have succumbed to the pandemic as well.

How else could you explain citizens voting CR-blinded politicians back into office time after time when they are openly destroying cities, states, and the nation?

Clearly, CR-blinded voters are responsible.  They fail to see the light… any light… any time.  America can’t survive if this trend continues.

Hopefully, those unafflicted with CR have some sort of innate immunity that will protect them from succumbing to the infirmity.  In the meantime, avoid the CR disfigured sickos at all costs.  Don’t contract the disease from them.  The future of America depends on it!

R.W. Trewyn earned a PhD after surviving Vietnam combat, and more treacherously, survived 53-years postwar slogging academe’s once-hallowed halls.

Image generated by AI.