Remember the good old days when Global Warming was going to doom us all?  I’m so old I remember it was the imminent, any day now, new ice age that would popsicle humanity.  Good times.  Good times.  But when the climate computer modeler’s climate computer models all failed to predict, well, anything, and embarrassingly, the globe suddenly refused to warm, and that couldn’t be covered up, our new, universal doom was hastily renamed: Climate Change! It’s the Swiss Army Knife of eco-Armageddon. There is nothing it cannot do, nothing it cannot anticipate, describe or blame. Since it is and causes everything, it has the enormous scientific advantage of being non-falsifiable, which is kind of un-scientific, but CLIMATE CHANGE!

Hot weather? Climate Change. Cold weather? Climate Change. Rain? Climate Change.  No rain? Climate Change. Tuesday? Climate Change. Dark out? Climate Change. Full moon? Climate Change. Snow? Climate Change. No snow? Climate Change. Bidenomics? Climate Change. Ooops. No, sorry! That’s not Climate Change, that’s stunning success and salvation. Glad I caught that one. High gas prices? Climate Change—or Putin. Afghanistan pull-out debacle? Stunning success and Climate Change! Supply chain disruptions? Climate Change. Cow flatulence? Climate Change. Breathing? Climate Change. Terrorism? Climate Change. No terrorism? Climate Change. The utter failure of high-speed rail? Climate Change. Donald Trump? Absolutely Climate Change.

See? There is nothing that exists, does not exist, moves, does not move, thinks, acts, or just sits there that is not caused by, or is an existential cause of, Climate Change! The Climate Change crowd have statistics to prove it too, and if they don’t they’ll just make some up, just because CLIMATE CHANGE! John Hinderaker at Powerline explains:  

Image: Burnout Op on Mangum Fire McCall Smokejumpers.  Wikimedia commons.org, public domain.

Not long ago, when there was a spike in U.S. wildfires caused mostly, I believe, by lousy forest management practices imposed by California environmentalists, the world was said to be on fire–unprecedented wildfires caused by hot temperatures! Never mind that globally, fewer acres burned last year than in any previous year on record.

Now, U.S. acres burned have declined as well:

The news has been quite good this year with respect to the total number of acres burned on US soil due to wildfire activity. In fact, the total acreage burned this year is under 3 million (through 12/18) which is far below the 10-year average of nearly 7 million from 2013-2022 and the lowest since 1998.

It is striking that even in a down year, there are tens of thousands of wildfires in the U.S. alone, that burn millions of acres. 

What’s truly striking is how fiercely the ostensible stewards of the planet prevent actual underbrush, dead tree clearing and other forest management practices that prevent conflagrations. But haven't wildfires always occurred, even before humanity was around to screw up everything with Climate Change? Shut up you climate deniers! One might be tempted to think they’re doing that on purpose so they can scream Climate Change!!! and demand trillions more to save the planet, which somehow always seems to go into the pockets of people like John Kerry and Al Gore rather than the planet's bank account. There must be a climate computer modeling that somewhere…

So with wildfires down, why isn’t this described as a beneficial impact of “climate change?” If climate change was responsible for a brief, local uptick in fires, as liberals assured us, then why isn’t climate change–whatever that means–likewise responsible the larger, benign trend toward fewer wildfires and fewer acres burned?

Oh that’s easy. The Climate Change Swiss Army Knife doesn’t have that particular blade. That one might cut Climate Change’s narrative throat.

Mike McDaniel is a classically trained musician, Japanese and European fencer, life-long athlete, firearm instructor and retired police officer and high school and college English teacher.  His home blog is Stately McDaniel Manor.