A new government-funded study out of Britain, conducted by scientists at the U.K. Center for Ecology and Hydrology, purports to show that “human breathing is contributing to greenhouse gas emissions.” Therefore, the study authors are urging "caution in the assumption that emissions from humans are negligible."

The peer-reviewed study published Wednesday in the Public Library of Science's journal PLOS One investigated greenhouse gas emissions of methane and nitrous oxide in human breath, which allegedly "contribute to global warming."

Well, there it is!  I knew it was coming!  Are you serious about stopping global warming?  Well, then, just stop breathing!  What a boon to depopulationists!  Turns out “we are not the ones we have been waiting for”; we are the problem!

Of course, some of us suck up more air — and are bigger blowhards — than others.  You know who you are.  Al, Greta, John...?

Gee, I wish we had a smarter God, one who didn’t design humans (and most animals) to respirate!  And then have the nerve to say, “Be fruitful and multiply!”

But maybe He actually said, “I’ve made a handful of fruit flies,” and it was just recorded incorrectly!  

The implementation of “statist interventions” and “unreliable energy alternatives” isn’t enough.  So if you truly care about the planet, please go ahead and make the ultimate sacrifice.  Do it for the scientists who conducted the study.  Do it for Al, Greta, and John.  Do it for Klaus Schwab and the World Economic Forum (WEF).  I’m sure they will thank you for it.

They might even breathe a sigh of relief.

Image: Ben Sutherland via Flickr, CC BY 2.0.