Historic figures are currently under assault.  Christopher Columbus was a xenophobic disease-spreader.  The Founding Fathers were racist slave-owners.  Even Abraham Lincoln has lost his luster.  Santa, however, enjoys untarnished admiration.  Jolly Old Nick!  The Spirit of Christmas!  Children flock to sit on his knee.

But Santa has a dark side.  He is an old white male.  He enslaves 90,000 elves, forcing each to make 5,500 toys every year, without pay, health benefits, or a 401(k) plan. 

His reindeer, after getting no exercise all year, are then forced to pull a sled packed with 500 million toys, by air, to over 120 million homes in America alone.  He makes them wait on slippery, slanted rooftops in the bitter cold while he slides his fat derrière down chimneys into warm homes, where he stuffs his face with cookies and eggnog. 

He alone determines who is naughty and who is nice, doling out gifts arbitrarily without opportunity for appeal or fair hearing.

His wife, Mrs. Claus, who is COO of his toy factory in the Secret Forest, gets no recognition for her tireless efforts in meeting productivity deadlines.

Time for Santa to pay for his worker oppression, animal abuse, authoritarianism, and misogyny!  A D-E-I task force needs to be instituted immediately to establish a more equitable system for the distribution of Yuletide indulgences.  Social justice demands it!

Image via Pexels.