As if we aren’t already incredibly weary of climate hysteria where everything is to blame from cow farts to your lawnmower, spoiler alert:  they’re not done yet.  Not until the earth is completely sanitized with Globalist Elite brand disinfectant will we stop hearing about all the amazing ways we humans are destroying the earth.  But now it seems the Global Warming Train has entered the station and can go no further, because alas, human breathing is now to blame.  Yes friends, your mere existence, and not just what car you drive, is an existential threat to the earth’s climate.  Oh, and it’s not the CO2 you exhale, it’s something far more sinister. 

A recent peer-reviewed study from the UK has determined “…that exhaled human breath can contain the greenhouse gases methane (CH4) and nitrous oxide (N2O) both of which have a much higher global warming potential than carbon dioxide (CO2).”

But, thankfully, not all people are climate destroyers.  Oddly, only 31% of people reach their threshold of, as the cited study claims, “Methane Producers” or MPs. 

Older people and females were more likely to be MPs. They don’t know why.  Curiously, the researchers also found no statistically relevant correlation between the levels of human greenhouse gas emissions and diet, so fear not; this isn’t immediate affirmation of “thou shalt eat bugs from now on” (yet).  Instead, they insist more research be done. 

 “Converting from high meat and protein content diets to higher fibre vegetarian options to mitigate emissions of greenhouse gases from meat production (farm animals) potentially results in higher production of gases in the human gut, and an element of pollution swapping could occur.”

The study does not dismiss the human breath contribution to global warming as insignificant, which is the scary part. “In terms of magnitude, these values are approximately 0.05% and 0.1% of the total emissions of CH4 and N2O reported in the UK national greenhouse gas inventories.”

So, if they’re coming after your gas stove, they might just come after all you MPs out there. Soon they’ll be handing out MP test kits like they were handing out COVID tests. Don’t laugh; as you all know the silliest conspiracy theories of the last decade have almost all come true. Watch your back.

Image: Sasha Kargaltsev