(The following is a satirical dramatization with a serious lesson about religious rights in America.)

Our gossip gang met at the back fence this morning; Mrs. Muhammad appearing with all her children in tow.

“Why all the kids?”

Mrs. Muhammad threw up her hands in frustration and replied “I had to get them out of the house! My husband is in the living room oiling his shotgun and the kids are too fascinated with it.”

“Shotgun?”

“Yes! He says he’s going out to bag a Jew!”

“Bag a Jew? He’ll get thrown in jail.”

“No, no. His lawyer told him its fine. Our First Amendment freedom of religion allows us to exercise all our religious duties!”

“What?” exclaimed all the other ladies in unison, looking around at each other in astonishment.

“Right! And since Islam commands us to kill Jews, he’s going out to kill some this morning! His lawyer says that’s his right. Is this a great country or what?”

Image by AI.

The gossip gang quietly and quickly broke up and scattered, reconvening in the downtown Starbucks without Mrs. Muhammad. They all quickly agreed that both Mr. and Mrs. Muhammad were nuts.

“Nuts or not,” said Alicia, leaning forward and speaking in a low voice, “we are right on the cusp of some serious sh** going down in this country.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Patrice. Alicia looked intently from eye to eye and intoned, “I’m talking about a coming 9/11 2.0, consisting of one or several massacres, shooting up synagogues or sports crowds or whatever.”

“The only targets are Jews,” cautioned Hongdou, who was quickly corrected by Rhonda “No, all Americans are targets!”

Alicia pressed on. “Are you reading the news? All around the world there are anti-Israel riots, including here in the USA. They’re in Tacoma, Washington, in D.C., and on university campuses. This is getting downright scary!”

Alexandra had been hanging back but now leaned into the huddle, “Alicia is right! Something’s going to happen! We read that Donald Trump and Project 2025 are laying plans to hit the ground running on January 20, 2025. And these pro-Hamas people are rioting screaming ‘kill the babies,’ so isn’t it time now for all of us to get serious about staying alive and dodging death at the hands of these Muslim terrorists who are without doubt going to attempt murder of Jews and maybe others in the USA? I’ve read that we really are in deep do-do.”

“And ladies,” rejoined Alicia, “what about that lawyer who said the Muslims have a legal right to kill Jews in America? Since hating and killing Jews is a religious duty mandated by Islam, and freedom of religion is protected by our First Amendment, is killing Jews a legally protected religious practice? Do Muslims in the USA really have a legally protected right to kill Jews?”

Alexandra jumped on this. “No! No! No! That is nonsense! Girls! Don’t you remember Professor Jacobi, our civics professor?” At the mention of the revered professor everyone hushed and leaned into the huddle concentrating intently.

Alexandra continued in a loud whisper “I can hear him on this question clear as a bell. He would remind us that the most axiomatic rule of law is that ‘the law is the will of the law maker.’ And from that axiom we derive the principle that the interpretation of meaning in writings, whether the writing at issue be a contract, will, deed, statute, or constitution, is a quest for the drafter’s intent. Hence the extension of the term ‘religion’ in the US Constitution’s First Amendment is what the drafters’ intended by that term.”

“And therefore,” injected Marci, seated at Alexandra’s elbow, “the precise question becomes whether the First Amendment drafters intended the term ‘religion’ to include Islam.”

“Exactly!” declared Alexandra, casting an approving smile at Marci, “and clearly the answer is ‘No!’ because our fundamental law is the common law of England, and our courts have ruled that ‘Christianity is part of the common law’, meaning Christian morality, not Christian theology. Christianity, through Exodus 20:13, manifestly rejectes murder. Therefore a society endorsing murder cannot be a religion within the meaning of the term ‘religion’ in the US Constitution First Amendment! QED!”

Everyone sat back, sipped her coffee, and breathed a sigh of relief.