For decades, fads and fashions originated in the Golden state, and then the rest of America followed. But now California is a warning to the nation of what happens when progressives are in charge. To understand “Kalifornia” just listen to a southern California traffic report. This was from yesterday …

TV Anchor: That’s the latest on last night’s violence. In review, there were six murders, eight rapes, 12 carjackings, 21 store break-ins, and one lemonade stand destroyed. Plus, two defund the police rallies. This was an improvement on the night before.

And now we turn our attention to traffic. Jim, oh sorry, I mean Jane. After all these years, I am just getting used to seeing you in a dress. By the way, I love your beard. So, Jane, how do the freeways look this Monday morning at rush hour?

Jane/Jim: The 405 North is all red brake lights because of the homeless camp overflowing onto the right lane. Drivers might want to exit at Sunset to get around the backup.

Over in the Valley, Cahuenga Boulevard is closed between Santa Monica and Melrose due to an attempted bank robbery that killed three and injured six. Also, Governor Gavin Newsom is on Melrose buying hair gel. When asked about the increase in violence, Newsom said, “My hair looks great today.”

Image: Traffic jam by rawpixel.com,

News Anchor: Sorry to interrupt, Jim, I mean, Jane, but we just got word that another person died at the scene of that attempted bank robbery. The police say the street will be closed to traffic as Los Angeles District Attorney George Gascon plans to hold a news conference at the scene of the fatal bank robbery to explain why his office is focusing its resources on arresting people who litter. According to Gascon, littering affects climate change. Now, back to you, Jim, I mean Jane.

Jane/Jim: Let me add that electric vehicles will keep the oceans from rising 3/8 of an inch. That would save several Obama oceanfront mansions. Now, let’s go back to the morning commute.

There is a major pile-up on the 210 at the 605. A bus carrying illegal aliens returning from an Apple store where they were given free iPhones hit a bus carrying homeless people who were moving into a Beverly Hills hotel. There are no fatalities, but some illegals are reporting damaged iPhones.

Back to the morning commute, we just got word that there was a collision near the Santa Monica Pier. It seems two homeless guys broke into a jewelry store simultaneously and started fighting about who gets to steal the diamonds. Fortunately, DA Gascon was there to divide the pilfered merchandise between the two burglars. However, their stolen vehicles collided when they were distracted while waving goodbye to Gascon.

The 110 at the 10 was doing well, but now there’s a sig alert as an electric vehicle ran out of charge. That caused several fender benders, and the score is now four gas guzzlers to one Tesla.

Speaking of scores, tonight’s game at Dodger Stadium will cause heavy traffic since it’s Drag Queen Night. Guys in drag will receive a Nike sports bra and a six-pack of Bud Light.

So, that’s the morning traffic report.

News anchor: Thank you Jim, I mean Jane, for that report. In other news…

Yes, that was a parody, but since I live in California, readers can decide where reality ends and parody begins.

Robin M. Itzler is a regular contributor to American Thinker. She can be reached at PatriotNeighbors@yahoo.com.