USS DeSantis’s presidential campaign sailing voyage has reached the Doldrums corridor. At the helm, a former Naval legal officer with sailing experience limited to the shallow bays of congressional and gubernatorial bodies of water.

For the skipper, this is his first offshore passage into “political” waters; he now finds himself drifting in an expanse that has tortured mariners for centuries.

First, the context.

The Doldrums is a low-pressure area five degrees north and south of the Equator; solar radiation streaks down, causing the warm air to rise straight up rather than blow horizontally. It creates a belt around the earth with windless waters and short periods of stuttering and fickle squalls.

It is difficult to predict precisely where the Doldrums will occur as the band of pressure moves according to the seasons. Vessels can be stalled for weeks, causing them to run out of fresh supplies and water. With supplies running low, the crew begins to suffer from scurvy, delirium, and starvation.

The Doldrums have a nightmare neighbor called the Horse Latitudes; this region gained its name from Spanish ships transporting horses to the colonies. The vessels would often become stalled for days and weeks due to a lack of wind. Unable to sail and facing water shortages, the crew would throw the horses overboard.

A successful Doldrums passage is to minimize the time spent in the belt zone by finding the narrowest point with the fewest thunderstorms for a quick crossing.

It requires advanced planning in selecting the most favorable weather window to avoid hurricane and cyclone seasons in each hemisphere. (You’d think the skipper in question would know a little something about tropical storms.)

Now, the tale.

The USS DeSantis is “slow-moving” at barely ten knots despite tens of millions of dollars invested by wealthy donors into the state-of-the-art vessel, voyage planning; many are now admitting the skipper doesn’t have his sea legs yet. From a National Pulse piece two days ago:

DeSantis has struggled to make anything of his beleaguered presidential campaign, with several of his biggest donors and supporters having abandoned the cause, calling him a ‘flawed candidate.’

Since its christening almost three months ago, USS DeSantis has had difficulties leaving the mooring-protected waters. It made drastic changes, not because of the weather, but ordered by its land-based sponsors.

It launched with first mate Generra Peck, who has since been replaced by James Uthmeier; while perhaps a dedicated crewmate, Uthmeier is very green in the way of seafaring journeys. From Politico:

Uthmeier has served as DeSantis’ chief of staff since October 2021 and worked as the governor’s general counsel before he became his top aide. He has been involved in some of the governor’s most high-profile initiatives, including the controversial program to transport migrants from Texas to Martha's Vineyard last year. 

Uthmeier also worked as a senior adviser to former Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, but his background is primarily in legal work and not in running political campaigns.

The voyage has already experienced three significant reshufflings of crew and route. Less than a month ago, the skipper cut one-third of his staff to reduce expenses:

Ron DeSantis’ presidential campaign is expanding the number of staff it’s cutting to include more than a third of his payroll as the Florida governor looks to get his primary bid back on track.

The cuts, which were confirmed by advisers, will amount to a total of 38 jobs shed across an array of departments.

In contrast, a competitor vessel named USS Trump also travels in the same direction. Smaller in size but guided by a veteran skipper of some of the most treacherous sailing passages in the world, USS Trump maintains an average speed of 50 knots despite constant attacks by “political pirate ships” attempting to sabotage its voyage.

USS Trump has taken a calculated risk of sailing at a higher latitude, known as the Roaring Forties, with gale-force solid winds and heavy seas. The strong prevailing winds are propelling USS Trump at breakneck speed toward the finish line.

There is zero sailing experience aboard USS DeSantis.  It is an “empty vessel” guided by politics, and self-interest instead of principle.

The skipper makes political decisions for the endeavor’s selfish and ignoble purpose. For mother nature, this is an unpardonable sin.

Is it any wonder USS DeSantis has found itself aimlessly drifting in the Doldrums?

Image: RomanDeckert, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons, unaltered.