A recent letter to advice columnist Dear Abby from a 32-year-old single woman caught my attention.

Her 20s were spent in a serious long-term relationship.  When that ended, she took a couple of years to "sow her wild oats" and to find out who she was as an individual. 

She is now looking for something more than "friends with benefits."  The problem is that the last few men she has met on dating sites and gone on dates with were just looking for hookups.  At 32 and painfully aware that her biological clock is ticking, she seeks a life partner. 

"Proceeding With Caution" turned to Abby for advice on what to do and say, or not, on a first or second date to help a move a possible relationship with a "potentially great guy" she met online in the right direction without scaring him away. 

"Proceeding's" quandary resonated with me in that it mirrors the narrative I have witnessed from similarly situated female friends of similar age, with similar life stories.

Declaring themselves feminists in their college years and seduced by the siren song of sex without consequences, they too "sowed their wild oats" throughout their twenties.  Now in their thirties and beyond, their biological clocks tick louder each day as the years inexorably slip by.

They are learning the hard way that all actions have consequences, some immediate, some belated.

They too yearn for a "life partner."

Wary of being labeled that fool who rushes in where angels fear to tread, I turned to a female acquaintance I know only as a successful married career woman with children of her own for her take on feminism.  I don't know her politics, nor she mine.  I did once overhear her comment on feminism but don't recall if it was pro or contra.

Accepting my invitation, she shared that she was born in 1968, during the "renewed emphasis on feminism — bra-burning, Helen Reddy's 'I am Woman."'  Her generation of women was raised on the idea that it is more important to focus on establishing a career before thinking about marriage and motherhood. 

While some of her classmates married right after college, many of them, including her, pursued careers, grad school, etc., looking at marriage as something to do in their 30s, thinking that there would still be time on their biological clocks to have a couple of children.

She now realizes that by putting off marriage, she put off motherhood.  After age 35, pregnancy becomes more difficult. The risk of having children with birth defects increases with age.  She suffered through five miscarriages before having two sons at age 39 and 41.

More subtly, the "I am woman, hear me roar" concept was a strong contributor to her sense of selfishness.  College, grad school, building a career were all about her.  Dating just happened.  She didn't focus on looking for a mate or building a relationship that would lead toward having a family.  Success was the goal with "fun" along the way.

Lastly, parents of her generation had more traditional husband-wife roles.  Men and women of her generation then carried those qualities into their own marriages.  The difference was that many of those wives were also trying to have a career. 

Their husbands didn't know what to do when the kids came along.  "Help out with laundry, cook dinner, pick up the kids at daycare?  Really?"  She believes that these new standards are the cause of many divorces. 

Quite an earful.  More than I expected. 

But it's good to remember that these words are more than her opinion.  What she related is based upon experience, some of it painful.

We often hear advocates for women's rights but rarely the experiences of those women "in the trenches" fighting the everyday battle to balance career, motherhood, and marriage. 

Agree or disagree, she is woman, hear her roar.

Image via Pxfuel.