I am a 56-year-old woman who has had two abortions and zero living children. 

I have never celebrated this and have rarely admitted it. 

I have been pro-choice most of my adult life.  Like all women my age, I grew up in the midst of the Roe v. Wade battle.  And like many women my age, I was fully indoctrinated into the belief of "my body, my choice" and the idea that a conception wasn't really the formation of a new, unique, and soon to be separate human life, despite the fact that I was raised Catholic. 

Honesty dictates that I state clearly that I both do and do not regret my choices.  So far. 

Honesty also dictates that I am now pro-life. 

It has been a nearly thirty-year journey to get here.  Advances in ultrasound technology aside, though that has been a factor, it is maturity that has ultimately led me to this place.  I will never have children to love or to love me, nor grandchildren.  I will always be on the outside looking in at all of those around me who have both, and some even great-grandchildren. 

I, of my own free will, murdered two human beings.  Flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood.  I am not religious, but I am realistic. 

One day, these young women screaming for abortion may be where I am now.  I feel sorry for them. 

What bothers me most is the one thing so rarely addressed in this entire debate: agency.  These women screaming for their "rights" have forgotten the one truly important right that they have: the ability to keep their legs crossed. 

There are cases of rape and incest, but that's not what we have been hearing about.  What we have been hearing about is the idea that under any circumstances, abortion on demand, at any stage, is righteous, should be celebrated and enshrined as noble, and any dissent is worthy of scorn. 

But let's get back to keeping an aspirin between one's knees.  Ladies, you are drowning in an ocean of cognitive dissonance.  If you engage in consensual sex during your fertile years, pregnancy is always a choice that you affirmatively made.  (Men, this applies to you, too.)  Every.  Single.  Time.  Birth control is never 100% effective; only abstinence is 100% effective.  This is where your true power lies (female or male, believe it or not!). 

Once upon a time, we knew this as women.  (Men knew it, too.)  Once upon a time, we understood that the right to say no was a powerful motivator for men and women to found families.  First birth control, and then legal abortion twisted that dynamic, and none of us is the better for it.

You want real fulfillment in your lives, ladies (and gentlemen)?  Learn that two letters have more power than all the abortion providers, pills, etc. combined.  You might even find a real man (or woman) that way, one who will support you, love you, and help you raise the children you bring forth together. 

Learn the power of NO.  And when you're ready for yes, first make a life with a devoted man, then have your babies and love them like life itself, for they are life, a life you and only you can give.  Even if a devoted man is not part of the picture, choose life.  If you extinguish life, you can never, ever take it back, and one day, it may just haunt you a little (or a lot). 

To my two children who never can be reclaimed, I wish I had chosen differently.  Roe v. Wade needs to be overturned, and the choice returned to the states, and may many states saying NO result in people like me, at my age, looking at their grandkids and smiling at the beauty of life instead of wondering what could have been. 

Image: Донор.