Liberals think they're better than other people — so much so that they plant lawn signs in their front yards to illustrate that fact.

The sentiments on these signs range from outright lies, HATE HAS NO HOME HERE (say the Trump-haters), to tautological nonsense like LOVE IS LOVE and SCIENCE IS REAL.

Seems to me it's high time for normal, hardworking, America-loving folks to start displaying some lawn signage of their own.  The sentiments expressed on these signs should not signal virtue or moral superiority; their intent is merely to accurately reflect the real world, thereby causing pointy liberal heads to explode.  Since the American left is so fond of vandalizing or destroying that with which they disagree, a large Doberman on a chain may be a necessary adjunct to such signs, depending upon where you live.

Liberal lawn signs often begin with the phrase, IN THIS HOUSE, WE BELIEVE.  To that I say, whaddaya mean, "we"?  Since when does everyone in a family share the same beliefs?  Don't any of these people have teenagers?

So keep your lawn sign real and own it: IN MY HOUSE, I BELIEVE.  A house, however, filled with love and inclusivity as it may be, is not a democracy.  The views on the lawn sign should be those of whoever is paying the mortgage.  Dissenting members of the household will simply have to wait until they've bought their own home to share their views.

After establishing ownership of your home and your beliefs, start your conservative sign's list of bromides with a bang:

I'M LOCKED AND LOADED

That popping sound you hear all the way from the bathroom will be liberal craniums literally exploding on your front sidewalk as they imagine "assault rifles," whatever they are, loaded with live ammo and being handled recklessly as if you were Alec Baldwin or something.  Meanwhile, the plain meaning of that phrase is that you always lock your doors, and if it's after five, you're typically on your second or third martini.  If would-be burglars, the ultimate believers in wealth re-distribution, also misunderstand I'M LOCKED AND LOADED, it's a win-win.

Follow that gem up with:

GOD MADE MAN AND WOMAN

After libs out for a neighborhood stroll get a load of that sentiment, you'll need a fire hose to clean all the gray matter off your sidewalk.  Mentioning God to leftists is like waving a crucifix in a vampire's face: it inspires only hissing, anger, and hatred.  And the idea that God created only man and woman will come as unwelcome news to folks who believe there are actually 2,742 genders (at last count).

Next, for a change of pace, shake things up with:

FAUCI IS AN EVIL DWARF

Now folks suffering from dwarfism like to be called "little people" and should certainly be treated with respect.  But wee Tony Fauci is a liar and a conniver, your classic liberal bureaucrat who pretends to care about the public while pursuing policies that succeeded only in lining the pockets of Democrats and their favored constituencies.  Therefore, it's perfectly fine to call Dr. Fauci an evil dwarf.  The man deserves no respect.

Next up, go full Zen on the climate change cult with:

THE WEATHER'S FINE

Claiming that the sky is falling is an age-old trick for manipulating the naïve, the neurotic, the intellectually challenged, and of course liberals.  If mankind is, in fact, ruining the environment, scientific breakthroughs will have to save us, not self-interested, power-hungry globalists.  Until then, the weather is what it is.  Deal with it.

Next, turn the volume up to 11 with:

JAIL CRIMINALS!

When he reads that, your typical liberal will want to jail you!  Still, the old adage applies: if you can't do the time, don't do the crime.  And if a prospective criminal can't figure that one out, another truism applies: you can't fix stupid.  If you could, Democrats wouldn't be dissing cops, reducing bail and emptying the jails, and then wondering why there's a crime wave.

All good exposition should start and end with a bang.  So finish up your list of slogans with an ineluctable truth:

TRUMP WAS RIGHT

The Donald was right about so many things — the economy, the fake news media, the D.C. Swamp, and the Clinton Crime Family.  He said Hillary, Obama, the CIA, and the FBI were all trying to take him down, and they were.  Trump said the last presidential election was riddled with fraud, but the courts and the GOP leadership were too gutless to investigate it, and they were.  Trump claimed that the Chinese communists were not our friends; they were liars and cheaters looking to dominate us by any means necessary.  As we can see from China's stonewalling about the origin of the Wuhan Flu, Trump was once again right on the money.

So here's our finished conservative lawn sign:

IN MY HOUSE, I BELIEVE:

I'M LOCKED AND LOADED

GOD MADE MAN AND WOMAN

FAUCI IS AN EVIL DWARF

THE WEATHER'S FINE

JAIL CRIMINALS

TRUMP WAS RIGHT

In retrospect, even though all of those sentiments ring true and are quite useful in the real world, perhaps every conservative lawn sign should come with a Doberman or two, and twenty feet of strong chain.

Because liberals simply can't handle the truth.

Image: Pixabay, Pixabay License.