Even Dr. Seuss, could not write this,
He'd be remiss, hiss hiss, caught in an abyss.

"Read Across America," a day chosen in his honor,
Until now, had always been just a yawner.

But irony of ironies, instead of celebrating his namesake,
We hurriedly toss his books, for goodness sake.

Were those green eggs and ham, nothin' but a scam?
Good memories just a sham, go hurry up and scram.

That cat was not cool, best ban him from school,
Instead he was cruel, don't you know you big fool?

The Grinch, and Horton, Thing One and Thing Two,
Dangerous and unworthy, fit not even for the zoo.

Run and hide, for there lurks Yertle the Turtle,
God forbid kids' minds, they can be so darn fertile.

Don't worry now children, Sam-I-Am threat no more,
Nothing lost he's a boor, just show him the door.

Haven't you Herd, 'bout that written word?
Can be blurred, slurred, made even absurd.

Said a prez named Obama, that Seuss "we hold dear,"
Twas then, but now, so much to fix and to fear.

Yes, time to fear and to smear, tear and then leer,
Don't forget to jeer and to shear, and also to sneer.

Beware!

Surely do not CHEER, not in this hemisphere,
Not this year, not here or there, my dear.

Stomp on that name, some doctor good riddance,
Shall not whisper his name, shall make it forbiddance.

Instead, as the Lorax did warn,
Dear Suess now forlorn, we only can mourn.

A sometime writer and full-time contrarian, William Choslovsky lives in Chicago.

Postscript:

But Bill, don't you know Seuss — Theodor Seuss Geisel — was a racist? 

Actually, upon review, my answer is "no," or at least no more a racist than a liberal, fawned-upon president named Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

First, Seuss was actually liberal in that as a cartoonist in the build-up to World War II, he opposed the "America First" movement and instead warned of Hitler and other fascists.  Yes, he apparently did favor the internment of Japanese Americans, but so did not only FDR, but also Earl Warren, the Supreme Court, and probably the vast majority of Americans, meaning that his viewpoint was the (sad) norm.  The same went for many of his earlier cartoons.

So, like most of us, he had some pluses and some minuses.  He was no Horton, just human, like me and like you.

It all reminds me of the Bible story about Noah's ark.  The Torah says Noah was a righteous man "in his generation."  Rabbis have debated for centuries why the Torah — where every word matters — adds "in his generation." 

We know the answer: because most is relative.

Heck, we could take shots at Noah today.  After all, he could have built a bigger ark, no?  He could have warned others, no?

So how really righteous was good old Noah?  Answer: pretty darn righteous..."in his generation."

And we see it today with Abe Lincoln and George Washington, whose statues some now tear down.  Just how righteous were they?  Answer again: pretty darn righteous..."in their generations."

So it goes with Seuss.  Perfect, no.  But as one who brought so much joy and good moral lessons in his books to so many, I refuse to tear him down.  We should all be such scoundrels and contribute as little as he did to the world we leave behind.

Image: Pixy.