Nancy Pelosi, we conservatives would like to thank you.  You have shown yourself to be an amazing patriot.  By your words and your actions, you have singlehandedly given this great nation many gifts, all beyond measure.  But the greatest gift of all?  

President Donald J. Trump.

In addition...

You have given us amazing growth.  By goading us into the 2016 election of the spectacular President Donald J. Trump, you have brought in heretofore unheard of gains in the stock market; employment; trade; fuel independence; deregulation; lowered taxes; and many, many new constitutionalist judges.  And that's just a start.

You have given us amazing theater!  With the Mueller "Russia Russia Russia!" Report and the Ukrainian "Quid Pro Quo (Joe) as Act I, Impeachment (solemnly and prayerfully of course) as Act II, and the subsequent "tearing" up (or should that be "tearing up?") of the magnanimous 2020 SOTU address by Nancy Pelosi as Act III, and finally Acquittal! as a painful and needless Act IV, your theatrics have been spectacular!

You have also given us the amazing Giant Finger.  We'd never seen such a spectacle before.  Why, bread and circuses were nothing to the Giant Finger!  Sixty-three million massed moron deplorables dared think for themselves — how could this happen?  "All Hail the Giant Democrat Finger*!" didn't quite work out.  *(Not to be confused with actual foam fingers for sporting events...those deserve respect.)

Amazingly, Democrats, you have given us a true look at who you are and what you want.  We don't like what we see.  Americans, you know, that vast mass of individuals of any and all stripes who happen to love their country, don't want what you are selling.

Best of all, you have given us unity, unifying us against Marxism, socialism, and communism.

For we, true Americans, who do not divide ourselves with silly labels, want only one thing: American Greatness.  And only one man offers us that wonderful, beautiful, optimistic, amazing vision for all Americans: President Donald J. Trump.  Patriots, vote as if your very lives depend on it.  Because they do.  Only one man in this race (yeah, I mean everyone, women or men, get over it) has your back.  This November, we need to have his.