I read here (Spanish Minister) that a Spanish government official is worried that Spain needs eight or nine million immigrants to keep the country from diving into a demographic tailspin.  The nub of the problem seems to be that Spain has a desperate shortage of more people to tax so they can keep paying for bureaucrats — uh, I mean essential government services.  The conventional wisdom is to bring in African and Middle Eastern migrants by the shipload.  Of course, there is opposition from hateful, ignorant Spanish citizens who whine about the inevitable disappearance of European culture from large swaths of the country.  Rubes!  Nativists!  France and Germany seem to be dealing well enough with it.  Just ask the French and German bureaucrats.

What a thorny problem.  Where can Spain get its hands on millions of migrants?  Those bureaucrats must be saved.  Where, oh, where?

Gasp! I know a place which has millions of unappreciated illegal immigrants.  The U.S. is flooded with uncounted numbers of people who aren't officially here.  They live in the shadows and have had to go through a lot of trouble to get there.  Why can't we just send them to Spain?  It's win-win. 

But wait, this idea gets even better.  They already speak Spanish in Spain.  How's that for a happy coincidence?  The immigrants don't even need to learn English.  In fact, it's a win-win-win!

No translation required to make demands in Spain (photo credit: ep-jhu).

Granted, illegals don't really need to learn how to speak English in Southern California, either, but in Spain, there aren't any annoying Anglos around — except for British tourists, and they go home eventually, anyway.  However, Mexican and South American migrants to Spain will need to learn how to lisp.

So Spain wants them there, and we don't want them here.  But do the illegals want to go?  Well, California isn't what it used to be.  Rampant crime, drugs, homelessness, and pooping on the streets have really put a dent in the quality of life in the Golden State.  In the words of Randy Newman, New York City is cold and it's damp.  And New Jersey...enough said.  Even liberals are fleeing these places, so Spain probably wouldn't be a tough sell.  It has the original Mediterranean climate, after all.  Those three states would constitute a good start.

Now, it will cost money to send our illegals to Spain.  A one-way coach airline ticket from Los Angeles to Madrid can be had for under $500 with advance purchase.  Even NBC concedes that the net cost of illegal aliens to taxpayers is $54 billion per year (Fact Check).  Call that the low-end estimate.  If you say there are 11 million illegals here in the U.S., that works out to $4,900 per year per illegal head draining out of the Treasury.  Even without a degree in economics, I can puzzle out a payback period of less than two months, which seems like a good investment.  Heck, I might even be talked into sending them over first class.