‘Twas The Night Before Impeachmas

By Eric Utter

'Twas the night before ‘Impeachmas,’ when all through the House
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
Allegations were slung without any care,
In hopes that the president soon would despair;

Democrats were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads;
But Pelosi -- in her dress -- soon set her trap,
And simply settled down for a long winter's nap,

Then on the TV there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
And then he appeared, he was there in a flash,
It gave me the shudders, My teeth I did gnash.

Well he looked like a liar, had a manner so stiff,
I knew in a moment it was Chairman Schiff.
More eager than beavers his minions they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, NANCY! now, RASHIDA! now, OMAR you vixen!
On, WATERS! on CLYBURN! on, SWALWELL! (And Wolf Blitzer)?
It is Trump we will scorch! Forget about the wall!
Now bash away! trash away! Slapdash away all!"

His eyes -- how they blazed! his features unmerry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose almost scary!
His sad little mouth was drawn taught as a crossbow,
His words imprecise, his delivery slow;

He was spindlier than Trump, a nasty old grump,
And I groaned when I saw him, and thought ‘What a chump’;
The mania in his eyes, and slight twist of his head,
Soon filled me with nothing -- nothing but dread;

He spoke feckless words, in front of the Clerk,
And lied through his teeth; oh, what a jerk,
Flipping his finger and thumbing his nose,
He tried to run roughshod over those he’d oppose;

He sprang from his chair, to his team gave a whistle,
And they all fell in line as the president bristled.

I heard him exclaim, ere he was done for the night,
HAPPY IMPEACHMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!