Shock! Surprise! Elon Musk has actually made money!
Okay, America, time to party in the streets, for Elon Musk, the $5-billion government man, has made a profit! Cue the confetti and pop the champagne.
Tesla just reported positive earnings in the third quarter, reversing a seven-time losing streak.
So is a celebration in order? Of course! Elon Musk – the genius himself – has referred to this last quarter as "truly historic." Rightfully so.
The last time Tesla reported a profitable quarter was in 2016, and this marks just the third time in history that Tesla has made money.
Given its rarity, why wouldn't we celebrate this milestone feat for Musk's electric car company and his daydream of the magical wonders that the next infusion of $5 billion in government support to good old Elon may bring to the table?
So what's next – SpaceX? Will Musk's aerospace company that is nearly entirely reliant on the government for contracts become more profitable as well?
A Wall Street Journal report suggests that the company, which is prone to accidents and explosions, hasn't made much, with operating profits potentially as low as 0.2 percent just years ago. The Motley Fool summed it up best: "[c]urrently, all indications suggest that SpaceX is not profitable, but losing money."
But hey, if Tesla just made some money, maybe SpaceX will do better, too.
Maybe the subsidy-receiving Falcon Heavy, which the government seems to have little use for, will magically find a substantial purpose.
Maybe the BFR, Musk's other rocket created with government help, will put something else on its agenda aside from sending a Japanese billionaire on a joyride around the Moon.
Let's not get so caught up in countless possibilities of improvement Musk might make next with SpaceX. Now that it just made money, the sky is the limit with Tesla, too.
At this rate, perhaps the days of Musk missing production target after production target will come to a halt. Perhaps the company will find a way to use its government support to craft affordable vehicles for the average consumer rather than ones only for the financially blessed – really blessed!
Perhaps SolarCity, which merged with Tesla last year in an ostensible attempt to save it from financial ruin, will become a net asset rather than a net liability for the electric car company.
Perhaps pigs will fly, too.
No matter what the future has in store, Musk and his pals in the mainstream media are right: this sure is a magical moment, and we should all feel honored to have witnessed it.
If we keep Elon's subsidy wheel flowing, we can celebrate again soon! Save some of that champagne and confetti!
Even if it takes another two years, it will sure be worth it. Right?
Who's up for more magical thinking and magical math?
Tron Simpson is host of the nationally recognized Tron Simpson Show, heard on KVOR 740 AM in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Find out more at www.tronshow.com.