It was love, love unencumbered by borders, and free as a bird – so actress Rose McGowan would have us think.  What could be worse than borders, after all?  So don't go blaming actress Asia Argento for her lover Anthony Bourdain's suicide because the pair was involved in some kind of open marriage-without-the-marriage hookup, you see.

That's what's been reported as straight news lately, and what this Hollywood denizen would have you think in her bid to defend her friend Argento from criticism over the suicide of her lover.

In one way, she is right.  Obviously, both Argento and Bourdain bought into the idea that love is the same as sex, and sex, even in an exclusive relationship, shouldn't be exclusive to one person.  It wasn't just Argento; it was both of them.  That's why you get this sort of talk from McGowan, emphasis mine:

Dear Fellow Humans,

Sitting across from me is the remarkable human and brave survivor, Asia Argento, who has been through more than most could stand, and yet stand she does. She stood up to her monster rapist and now she has to stand up to yet another monster, suicide. The suicide of her beloved lover and ally, Anthony Bourdain. I write these truths because I have been asked to. I know so many around the world thought of Anthony Bourdain as a friend and when a friend dies, it hurts. Many of these people who lost their 'friend' are wanting to lash out and blame. You must not sink to that level. Suicide is a horrible choice, but it is that person's choice.

When Anthony met Asia, it was instant chemistry. They laughed, they loved and he was her rock during the hardships of this last year. Anthony was open with his demons, he even wrote a book about them. In the beginning of their relationship, Anthony told a mutual friend, "He's never met anyone who wanted to die more than him." And through a lot of this last year, Asia did want the pain to stop. But here's the thing, over their time together, thankfully, she did the work to get help, so she could stay alive and live another day for her and her children. Anthony's depression didn't let him, he put down his armor, and that was very much his choice. His decision, not hers. His depression won. Anthony and Asia had a free relationship, they loved without borders of traditional relationships, and they established the parameters of their relationship early on. Asia is a free bird, and so was Anthony. Was. Such a terrible word to write. I've heard from many that the past two years they were together were some of his happiest and that should give us all solace.

An open relationship of that sort, where partners on the one hand seem to be pledging some kind of eternal fealty to one another, with a pledge to be "a rock," yet sleep around on the side (and leave the other to read about it in the tabloids), is healthy for a relationship?  As if it's even natural?  Especially for a fragile person such as Bourdain, who by all accounts was inclined to depression?  It goes to show just how warped Hollywood's values are.  McGowan doesn't even know how gross her statements sound because she has embraced the propaganda herself.  After all, who could be in favor of dreadful borders in relationships and not embrace free birds?  Probably just Trump-supporters.

The circumstantial evidence is actually pretty strong that this is what sent Bourdain off the deep end.  He was a sensitive person, he said in previous reports that he sought true love, and his infatuation with Argento in the wake of the breakup of his first marriage, which hadn't been finalized, was pretty intense.  The divorce alone was probably a problem, and his infatuation with Argento was some means of replicating the ruined marriage and hanging on.  People magazine writes that he was so "lovestruck" that his friends were "concerned."  (After all, someone who doesn't believe in exclusivity in relationships in that enlightened sense shouldn't get too involved, it seems.)  Second, it seems that Bourdain, who was the father of an 11-year-old daughter by his original marriage, said the whole fatherhood thing transformed him.  Well, yes, and that sentiment is not unique, because that is what fatherhood does.  As such, it requires motherhood, and familyhood, none of which works well with open relationships.

Obviously, Bourdain was troubled by his desire for true love and true families, alongside being a free bird with open sexual morals, which rather harshly contradicts that first desire.  No wonder it sent him off the edge, and that is tragic.

No, McGowan isn't wrong in saying Argento is not exclusively to blame for the suicide.  The problem was the free bird values.  What she did was inadvertently highlight that the embrace of "free bird" values, which so contradict human nature and human desire, is what took Bourdain's life.  Sadly, none of these people here can even see it.

Image credit: Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons SA-BY 2.0.