In light of the attacks on monuments and statues by communists liberal activists that they consider to be racist, egged on and justified by communist liberal mayors and the mainstream media, which we all recognize as being impartial and objective in their analysis and their reporting of news, we should anticipate ahead of time where the communist progressive Antifas might strike next. Resistance to their righteous attacks would be considered to be an unprovoked act of aggression on the part of white supremacists.

So here is a list of new things which are now racist. Beware.

• Museums are now racist, according to Professors Tasha N. Dubriwny and Kristan Poirot, from Texas A&M University, the same university that has a racist professor who called for the killing of white people.  
• The seeking of objective truth and facts is now . . . racist.
• Using one’s hands while speaking is now racist.  
• Mathematics is now racist.
• The ok sign is racist   
• Park benches are now racist.  
• White cooks selling burritos is now racist   (it remains to be seen whether whites eating Mexican food at Mexican restaurants will also be considered racist)
• University of Iowa professor Sarah Bond has declared that white marble, used in sculpture, is racist.
• Using mathematics in art, such as the Fibonacci ratio, is racist, and used by Nazis.  
• Lisa Wade, a sociology professor at Occidental College in California (again) called for the banning of fraternities having white members but retaining black fraternities.  
• According to the UK’s Oxford University’s Equality and Diversity Unit, not making eye contact is racism  and can cause “mental ill-health.”
• Truth is racism.  
• The painting of a black person by a white artist is now racist.  
• Certain hairstyles are now racist.   
• Green frogs are now racist.  
• Plastic wrap is either racist or sexist (not sure which).  
• Since incidents of racism in college are practically nonexistent, leftist students or professors fake them in order to get sympathy for their Cause. Just look here, and here.  
• Asao B. Inoue, who teaches writing at University of Washington Tacoma, has declared grammar to be racist.
• Psychologist Steven Pinker of Harvard University has likewise condemned the use of grammar as oppressively racist.
• Home schooling is now racist. 

So now you know: if you like to sit on park benches, or are home schooling your children, or use proper grammar while using your hands while speaking, you are a racist. Likewise, if you go to museums, or use mathematics, or seek truth in the world, or you use plastic wrap, or arrest someone for vandalism if you are a cop, or belong to a fraternity, you are most definitely a racist, white supremacist. And green frogs. To prove you are not a racist, punch a green frog if you come across one while walking in the park (wait, is walking in the park racist?).

So stop it! After all, we don’t want another Charlottesville, do we?

Armando Simón is a retired college professor and is the author of A Cuban from Kansas, Very Peculiar Stories and The U. They can be found at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.