Are you against government-funded science? If you are, you must be against all science! That's the conclusion of a large number of parasites and freaks who went to giant costume parties all around the world dressed in white coats to give themselves a patina of authority.

Here are some of the dumbest things that were said at those rallies:

Jamie Rappaport Clark, president and CEO of Defenders of Wildlife, [said] “Science matters and without science wildlife have no chance for survival...."

Really? How did wildlife survive before there was "science"? Here's what retired astronaut Leland Melvin said:

"...it’s a beautiful planet, but there are a lot of things going on and without the data and without the science, we are going to decimate our planet and eradicate our civilization"

Without "the science"? Did Melvin call it "the science" when he was at NASA? For a former astronaut, he talks like an 8 year-old. Which brings us to...

Teddy Shipman, an 8-year-old New Yorker in D.C. for the march, stressed the importance of a healthy environment.

“Trees make oxygen,” Shipman said. “It helps us breathe. Who doesn’t like that?” 

Well, Teddy, people hysterical about global warming don't like that. You see, Teddy, trees breathe carbon dioxide, and everyone around you at that rally wants less of that so trees can't breathe so well. But at least Teddy didn't call it "the science." I would put him ahead of Melvin for the next shuttle flight.

“I’m really concerned that Trump wants to cut the budget for the EPA,” April Castoldi said. “My mom was an employee of the EPA..."

Aha! Now we get to the nub of it. Not for the environment, but a public jobs program! More from the WaPo:

As marchers waited in a glacially moving line for the bag check, and huddled under umbrellas, 60-year-old Cathy Butler implored everyone to join her in a chant.

“Science, not silence! Science, not silence!” she shouted.

Well, that's certainly a sophisticated argument. Worthy of science!

Erik Molvar...  is a sage grouse expert who studies the impact of livestock on grouse habitat [and he wants taxpayer money]. 

Why should we pay for this guy to study the impact on the grouse habitat?

Emily Fink, 28, and Kayla Denson, 29, are biomedical researchers who drove seven hours from Buffalo to attend the march, and they said they fear the Trump administration’s proposed budget cuts will imperil their careers.

What a Fink! She wants to suck on the public teat! What's wrong, they can't get a company to hire them? This next quote is funny:

Fink brought several copies of her résumé to the march and held up a neon sign that read, “Are you looking for a highly motivated post doc? Ask for CV.” She thought the march might be a good networking opportunity, though so far no one had asked for a résumé.

I wonder why? Maybe because no one there has a real job in the private sector.

But every time the Left gets together, for whatever reason, they have to fall back on some of their traditional axes to grind:

[Iranian American] Maryam Zaringhalam... a molecular biologist, and Fleming, a chemical engineer, had been concerned about the way diversity issues were dealt with by the march organizing committee.

“But I thought, people are going to be taking pictures at the march and this is what I want them to see,” Zaringhalam said. “I want them to see someone who looks like me.”

At their sign-making event Friday night, a passerby had asked what the women were doing. When they told him, he responded, “You don’t look like scientists.”

Craig Fryer, 47, marched down Constitution Avenue alongside several of his colleagues from the University of Maryland School of Public Health, all wearing T-shirts that read “Black Scientists Matter.” Fryer, a behavioral scientist who studies substance abuse, carried a sign that proclaimed “Black Scientists Speaking Truth to Power.” He said he and his colleagues are concerned about racial disparities in funding for research.

Black science matters! Do you think the government discriminates by giving science grants on too many "white" topics?

Organizers made sure their rallies had diverse leadership.

Taylor Richardson, a 13-year-old aspiring astronaut who raised $17,000 this year to send other girls to see the film “Hidden Figures,” chemist Mary Jo Ondrechen, a member of the Mohawk Nation and chair of the board of the American Indian Science and Engineering Society; and Gallaudet University biologist Caroline Solomon, who is deaf.

But there was no mention of a scientist in a burka, or a man dressed up a woman, or a white woman who thinks she is black, or a man who has conjugal relations with a Shetland pony, so how diverse could they really be?

What none of these marchers addressed is the fact that even without government funding of science, most scientific research, especially most practical scientific research, is done by the private sector. That's where most inventions come from. But under the guise of science, they claim that anyone against government funding of science is against science, just as they claim that anyone against illegal immigration is against immigration, and anyone against abortion is against women's health, and so on.

The slogan of the marchers is "There is no planet B." How did planet "A" manage to exist and function before there was a government to spend billions of taxpayer dollars on "science"?

Ed Straker is the senior writer at NewsMachete.com.