As of this day, my name is no longer John Massoud.  My name is Mark Moseley, former kicker of the NFL’s Washington Redskins from 1974 through 1985. I am no longer Shenandoah County’s favorite ½ Afghan and ½ Scots Irishman, local activist, Shenandoah County GOP 6th District Chairman, and businessman. I am and always will be the first kicker to win the NFL’s Most Valuable Player award.  I may never have kicked a football through an NFL goal post, but I identify as a kicker. See, I have at times a “go it alone -- lone wolf” mentality which is the mindset that each NFL kicker needs to be successful, and the belief that when the game is on the line, I want to be the guy who wins it for the team. Let’s forget the fact that I don’t have the physical equipment which makes a man an NFL kicker (large thighs, and a legspeed of 100 mph to get a football over the line of scrimmage, through a group of massive men who can run 10 yards per second, through 20 mile per hour swirling winds, and then through a narrow set of goal posts upwards of 50 yards away from the line of scrimmage). None of that matters -- because this is something I want, and therefore not only should each of you accept me as Mark Moseley, but if you don’t call me Mark Moseley, you’re violating my civil rights and the government should fine you and send you to “sensitivity training”. 

Let’s be honest here -- not even the nuttiest liberal would read what is written above without either laughing or thinking the author is a lunatic. But that is what our world is now coming to. We are now seeing grown men and women who call themselves “transabled” meaning they identify with being in a wheelchair or having lost a limb.  

What should scare everyone is that these people are injuring themselves to become the disabled person that they have always wanted to be. Suffice it to say, the “transgender’ do not like the “transabled”, as the “transgendered” population now is enjoying its 15 minutes of fame as the “cause du jour”. 

Does the above sound crazy to you? Well, that’s what transgenders are basically saying. They never had to go through the things that young girls go through during their formative years. Things that as a man I can never hope to understand or even relate to. Things which are far too numerous to mention in this article. But males becoming transgender females do expect to be treated as women, even though they never could have gone through the growing pains necessary for a young girl to transform into womanhood. 

So please -- forget the fact that I never did put in the thousands of hours in practice that NFL great Mark Moseley put in, kicking footballs through goalposts from distances of 55-60 yards. Forget the fact that I never did hour after hour of workouts in 100 degree heat. Forget the fact that I never had to stand in the freezing cold, with 55,000 screaming lunatic fans at RFK Stadium who would want me fired if the game-winning field goal was missed. Please just remember that I want this, and I identify with Mark Moseley -- ergo, I must be him. In fact, I deserve Mark’s Super Bowl ring. Why? Because I deserve it and if you don’t give this ring to me, life isn’t fair. In fact, I want my own label. Transathlete -- because I identify with Mark Moseley. 

Do not worry -- the man proudly known as John Massoud is still Shenandoah County’s favorite ½ Afghan and ½ Scots Irishman. He also attends Restoration Fellowship Church of Strasburg Virginia with Mark Moseley. John is also the Shenandoah County GOP 6th District chair, does media relations for the Shenandoah Valley Constitutional Conservatives, and does not think that he is Mark Moseley.