The relatively new law in California that went into effect earlier this year on July 1, guaranteeing every worker at least 3 or more paid sick days by their employers, appears to have suddenly destroyed white T cells.  It's a sudden epidemic, an outbreak, a contagion.  Workers are now calling out with more "sick" days than since the bubonic plague wiped out nearly two thirds of medieval Europe.  The workers didn't have to take the time off if they weren't really sick, but since the time does not bank or carry over and is use it or lose it, it has morphed into just regular paid vacation, as most normal (read: non-left) human beings already knew.  And apparently, since employers are prohibited from asking for doctors' notes from those playing (legal) hooky, managers are left scrambling to cover shifts for no-shows.  Who knew that free money, or getting paid not to work, would be so popular? 

A grinning assembly member, Lorena Gonzalez, wrote AB-304, obviously very proud of her accomplishment.  The weirdly written law was almost unintelligible hieroglyphics at first glance, requiring legal interpretation, as most California laws now mandate the study of Latin as a second language.  But since it was only the evil employer who would suffer the consequences of being stiffed, they could hire the lawyers to carefully unpack the unsettling implementation and costs.

Make sure to visit her bizarre web page to thank her, and also to figure out how to mine more money out of others "that is owed to you" from the EITC or for the NBA to disclose cheerleader pay.  Make sure you read it with an imaginary megaphone voice as you organize your protesting street team for "more free stuff." 

I noticed that most of my workers were immediately delighted with the news that I would now be paying them to eat ice cream all day while watching Friends reruns at home.  But it was the interesting stuff the bill's kind-hearted author never thought about that I found most entertaining, such as the worker who gave notice he was quitting, then "called in sick" for his last three days, wanting to be made whole on them all.  Or the worker who had his roomie "call in sick" for him, passed out from a hangover, and demanded sick pay.  That couldn't possibly qualify, could it?  A hangover?  Legal, trembling and succumbing as always, said yes and that there was nothing I could do about it.  It was now an entitlement and a right.  It was law. 

And so managers, even the good ones, jumped in to hit me up for some sick cash, too, as most laws in the end have the capacity to corrupt.  No one seemed to look at it my way, that they were stealing money from me, their employer.  They weren't really sick.  They knew it.  I knew it.  The law was written with the understanding to be used for when you are sick.  Yeah, thanks, Lorena.  I'm sure she cares a lot about my predicament.  Employers are inherently evil, or don't have as many voter units as workers do.  I mean, the assemblywoman looks like a nice lady.  She is even smiling proudly on her website, always "for the little guy."  Aren't I the little guy, too?  The newly projected $40,000/year cost of sick leave to me is not at all different from if it were embezzled.  It is still the act of someone using force to extract money from one person to buy votes from another.  There is no inherent virtue in the law itself, or any law. 

And so I watch as my customer service tanks.  I watch as projects get sidelined on the floor and as productivity wanes.  I watch as managers scramble to fill holes in shifts, to cover breaks and lunch when they get "the call" of another victim of the liberal plague killing our country, where we are all living a world of leftist Munchausen by Proxy, catching the colds of increasingly low expectations.