The Supreme Court’s decision to make same-sex marriage the law of the land was followed by The Night of the Rainbow, an event that will go down as one of the most momentous in decorating history.  Rainbows materialized everywhere in an uplifting national celebration of diversity, tolerance, and all kinds of love.  

From Disney World to One World Trade Center, from Atlanta to Seattle, the colors flew with pride.  The residence formerly known as the White House was magically transformed into a Rainbow House.  How they got those lights installed so quickly after the announcement was nothing short of miraculous!

The Rainbow-ization of the United States is officially underway.  The country has been in desperate need of redecoration for a long time.  The makeover could begin with the motto “E Pluribus Unum.”  That dates back to 1776.  It’s Latin for “Out of many, one.”  The time has come to update to “E Pluribus Rainbow.”

“In God we trust” is another anachronistic slogan, which has been on our currency since the ’50s, way back when TVs were black and white.  Many Americans have no idea what black and white TVs look like, and they can’t even imagine the horror of being limited to three channels.  Times have changed, and our coinage should be updated to reflect that.  “In the Rainbow we trust” has the pleasant ring of inclusiveness to it.

While we’re transitioning, we might as well deal with the colors on our paper money.  Minor changes to the longstanding color scheme have been made in the past decade, but our dollar bills are still hideously dull.  It makes no sense.  Why not be a bit more daring and use the full spectrum of colors?  Imagine how enjoyable spending will be with bills in android green, neon fuchsia, and deep carmine pink.

The design of the American flag has barely changed in two centuries.  Betsy Ross did a fine job with limited resources, but it’s time to move forward.  The thirteen stripes could display truly fabulous colors other than red and white.  The blue field where the states are represented is a space with delicious possibilities.  Why couldn’t we try neon yellow triangles and chartreuse lambdas on a turquoise background?  It’s time to be bold and use some imagination.  

The Pledge of Allegiance is another holdover from bygone times.  However, with a few minor changes, it can be updated and vastly improved.  “I pledge allegiance to the Rainbow, of the Diverse States of America, and to every color which it includes, one nation, under The Rainbow, with pastels and fluorescent colors for all.”

Other American symbols could stand to be jazzed up as well.  Instead of holding a torch, Lady Liberty could just as easily be holding up a rainbow.  We could have a vivid and shiny Rainbow of Liberty instead of an old gray statue.  Finally, the bald eagle, a scavenger, has been the national bird since the beginning.  Boring!  It should be replaced with a colorful bird.  The peacock, an immigrant species to represent all immigrants, would be perfect.  

All Americans are People of the Rainbow now.  Resistance is futile.  Be assimilated or be silent.

Danny Murphy is the author of Murphy’s Law Breaker: Positive Thinking for Pessimists and Humor 101: How To Tell Jokes.  He blogs at www.witprivilege.com.