The giant 600-foot tidal wave roared large over the remote Eskimo village of Kivalina.  Kumaglak's infant son Inuksuk gave a whimper of fear as he clung tighter to her bosom.  Kumaglak heard the screams of her fellow villagers as the tidal wave started to descend on the small Eskimo village.  As the giant wave of water was about to hit her, her last thought was not of the hot spicy kisses of her boyfriend Umlaut, or the tasty walrus tusks she had boiled for dinner, but rather an odd pang of regret for holding on to her coal-fired stove when Al Gore had offered her a perfectly good solar cooker for her igloo...

I may think that I'm a good fiction writer, but I'm an amateur compared to the expert propagandists at the Washington Post.  They wrote about the small Eskimo village of Kivalina, which they claimed has to be evacuated due to global warming.

This tiny and isolated town of 400 cannot be reached by road. It lies on a fragile barrier island along the Chukchi Sea, 83 miles above the Arctic circle. But in recent years, climate change has thinned the ice so much that it has become too dangerous to hunt the whales.

The only problem: there is no "climate change," or, as they used to call it, global warming.  There is no global warming – not man-made, not nature made, as in no global warming of any kind.  Unless you believe falsified temperature figures, there has been no global warming in 17 years.  An individual region may get warmer or colder, but that has nothing to do with some global effect.

Soon, the U.S. government says, it may be too dangerous to live here at all, with less sea ice to protect the barrier island from powerful waves that wash across the village.

So it's not a danger now, but someday, it may get too dangerous.  On the other hand, it may get safer.  Who can tell?

“Global warming has caused us so much problems,” said Joseph Swan, Sr., a Kivalina elder, at a town meeting last week. The ice “does not freeze like it used to. It used to be like 10 to 8 feet thick, way out in the ocean.”

The article goes on to talk about whale hunters who can't walk on the ocean ice anymore because it's too thin.  There's no immediate threat to the village.  That's the only thing they can find to complain about, and yet this is a featured story on the Washington Post website.

The question now facing the town, the state of Alaska, and the nation is whether to move the people of Kivalina to a safer location nearby, either inland or further down the coast — and who would pay upwards of a hundred million dollars to do it.

The illegal aliens will pay for it!  Ha ha!  Let me offer another perspective: these Eskimos built a town on a spit of land right on the Bering Sea.  Fine.  The sea level changes.  Why should the U.S. taxpayer be responsible for moving them?  It's as bad as providing federal flood insurance for homes on the Jersey shore.  Only the accents are different.

Here, climate change is less a future threat and more a daily force, felt in drastic changes to weather, loss of traditional means of sustenance like whale hunting, and the literal vanishing of land.

You know something?  If global warming were really happening, and were caused by burning CO₂, the Eskimos should get down on their knees and kiss all our dirty Yankee toes.  Because in that case, the cold, brutal, killing winters of Alaska will become milder, and living will be easier there.  Ships will have an easier time delivering supplies there, and in some areas agriculture might be possible.  Don't tell me that given a choice, Eskimos wouldn't rub their noses together at the prospect of a 30-degree winter over a minus 10-degree one.

But unfortunately, global warming isn't real, and we can't help them.  Liberals would have you believe that the coastline is unchanged from the day the Earth was created until the first man-made CO₂ emissions were burned, but we know that over many years there have been radical changes to the continents and coastlines, and what is happening in Alaska is probably just a part of that natural process.  If the article wanted to be thorough, it could have looked at the evolution of the Alaskan coastline over the past few hundred years to show how change occurs on its own.  But that would interrupt the "global warming is drowning Eskimo" narrative.  It's propaganda like this that explains why liberals allow themselves to be groped on the subway to fight global warming.

Pedro Gonzales is the editor of Newsmachete.com, the conservative news site.