Do you remember when right-wing extremists gathered on April 15^th along the Embarcadero in San Francisco to protest high taxes and big, bloated government?  It was all simple enough at first. Just a small crowd of people calling themselves Tea Partiers intent on humiliating the pro-big government folks. But then things started to get out of hand.  It was not just a simple protest. They took hundreds of hostages and stapled tea bags to their collars—partially to identify them and partially to humiliate them.  

It didn’t take long for this isolated incident to morph into something much bigger and much more frightening. Some of the most aggressive members of the conservative protest group paraded 21 of the most liberal hostages to their doom.  They marched them along the coast, forced them to their knees, stood behind them and cut off their heads! With knives! Right here in the US of A!

This was just the beginning.  Not long thereafter, they captured about 40 Occupy Oakland protesters who were sleeping peacefully in their camp after a long night protesting the police, dressed them all in orange jump suits and lit them on fire in cages!  I can still hear those right-wing lunatics shouting “Death to Obama’s America!  Death to Cuba! Death to Liberals!”

They justified their heinous acts in the name of those atavistic Bibles to which they cling and those ridiculous pocket Constitutions they whip out whenever they want to make a point.  Infidel liberals are contaminating the country.   If they don’t vote for our candidates, if they don’t accept constitutional governance and agree to reduce the size of government, if they refuse to lower government spending, then they must be destroyed.  The Day of Freedom will not come about until conservatives fight the liberals, when the liberal will hide behind stones and trees.  The stones and trees will say O Conservatives, O Lord, there is a liberal behind me, come and kill him.

No tingle up the leg here.  All I felt was a chill go down my spine.   

I ran into the bathroom and vomited when, after each execution, they raised their Old Glories overhead and shouted “G-d is Great” and “Long Live the Constitution.”  To top it all off, they wouldn’t stop screaming that disgusting USA!USA!USA! chant and Drive the liberal infidels into the sea!   

I just wonder why they didn’t use the guns they cling to instead of knives and fire. 

Anyway, things really started to escalate, as if it wasn’t bad enough already.  Those crazy Tea Party people marched on downtown San Francisco and took over City Hall and all of the government buildings.   They held the entire city hostage.  People in the North, East and South Bays were terrified that these terrorists might invade their towns—wearing their intimidating red, white and blue outfits— and force them to do something unthinkable, like saying the Pledge of Allegiance at gunpoint.      

Needing a source of money, the extreme right-wingers smashed the windows of banks and stole as much as they could.  Now, that small band of one-thousand is twice the size and controls huge swaths of property from California, through Nevada and Arizona and as far north as Portland, Oregon.  They’ve taken over the ports and are using the money from running the ports to finance their Reign of Terror.

I saw pictures of crucifixions—really, I did!  Those conservative barbarians actually took liberal activists from MoveOn.org and Organizing for America and crucified them along the entirety of the Golden Gate Bridge.  It was like some sick scene from the Crusades.  Unthinkable!     

They just don’t hate the government, they hate anyone who disagrees with them—even children.  So they broke into several government-run schools, kidnapped three-hundred 12 year old girls who, it just so happens, are the daughters of registered Democrats, and forced them into marriages with right-wing religious zealots—now they’ll never be able to access birth control or get abortions or even love whomever they choose to love.    

But finally, the government has stepped in with its February 5, 2015 DHS intelligence report which warns of a domestic right-wing terror threat.  I am so glad the government is looking out for us and doing everything in its power to keep threats to the homeland—such as these—at bay.  After all, what keeps me up at night, are homegrown terrorists and their marauding Tea Party puppets—constitution-obsessed, race-baiting, homophobic, throwbacks to the 50’s, who want to impose their religion and their G-d on the rest of us; anarchists who want to get rid of government completely. 

We are so lucky to have a President who isn’t afraid to identify the enemy.