I have been waiting intently for that catalogue of much vaunted accomplishments which Islam has bequeathed both to America and the world — benefits that have been chirped about ad nauseum by Barack Obama for years. But since this, like all his other promises, has been left dangling, I have decided to compile my own list for you and take the pressure off his wearied brow that best serves America on the links. I assure you that this list is far less than exhaustive:

1. Hummus. I hate hummus.

2. Design modifications to the Twin Towers.

3. IEDs

4. Significantly increased congenital defects from first cousin marriage.

5. Did I say hummus? I really do hate Hummus.

6. Fear and loathing.

7. Lowered prices for goat meat during End of Ramadan sales.

8. Haggling.

9. God ordained dhimmitude.

10. Cities that celebrate the exotic odor of feces.

11. God ordained cruelty to women and a legal pass to murder those female family members that bruise fragile male pride.

12. Bromhidrosis elevated to an art form.

13. Increased U.S. pork and munitions sales.

14. Global war and strife.

15. Boko Haram, Hamas, Hizb'allah, Islami Jihad, Twelvers, ISIS, The Palestinian Authority, the Muslim Brotherhood, The Taliban, Yasser Arafat, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, the Ayatollah Khomeini, Gaza, Casey Kasem.

16. Astronomical petroleum prices for what amounts to the fluid remains of dead dinosaurs.

17. The flowering religion of peace.

18. Refinement in the technology of human shields using toddlers and the aged.

19. The Death Penalty mandated for matters of conscience.

20. Refinements in the fields of anti-Semitism, religious hypocrisy, and proper child care.

21. Did I neglect hummus? It really makes me gag…….

22. Barack Hussein Obama

Glenn Fairman writes from Highland, Ca. He can be corresponded with at arete5000@dslextreme.com and followed at www.stubbornthings.org and on Twitter