Barack Obama is so desperate right now, as part of his star-studded, last-minute Affordable Care Act signup scramble, he’s resorted to inflicting Rachael Ray on America. 

It’s bad enough to have to endure Rachael Ray every weekday in syndication and occasionally on the Food Network. But now to have to see her oversized goofy grin holding up a sign in the shape of broccoli that says: “#getcovered at heathcare.gov” or an apple that says, “my loved ones are covered are yours?” well, that’s just more than America should be asked to stomach.

How about this familiar phrase, Rach: “It’s 10:00 pm, do you know where your [uninsured] children are?

In the run-up to the deadline, the always-peppy Rachael even took to Twitter, tweeting “I was on set today reminding everyone to get covered.” 

Rachael’s “get covered” enthusiasm was in response to Joe Biden visiting her syndicated mid-morning gastronomical hit The Rachael Ray Show, where in Biden the Blowhard’s honor, Rachael whipped up healthy 7-layer burritos. 

Joe was there for a down-to-the-wire Obamacare enrollment segment where he also talked with Rachael about Clinique skin care and told the story of Jill Biden jumping out of overhead luggage compartments on Air Force Two as an April Fools’ Day joke.  If one had to guess, it wasn’t April Fools’ Day; Jill was probably just hiding from Joe.

Either way, thanks to Rachael, what we found out is that Mr. Biden must be taking the same approach with Obamacare that he took with Jill the Prankster, to whom he proposed four times before she finally said “Uncle”…oops, I mean “Yes.” It’s called badgering, and judging from what Joe told the chirpy cook about Jill being unable to permanently escape via the overhead luggage compartment, harassment works.       

Be it romancing until someone gives in or haranguing until someone, anyone signs up, Joe claims he loves Jill more than she loves him (which is understandable).  Poor Joe’s love for Obamacare is leaving him lonely too!

As for Rachael, besides having the Vice President on the show, Mrs. Cusimano is also close personal friend of “Let’s Move!” Michelle Obama, so it’s possible their friendship is the reason Ray is enthusiastic about participating in the badgering. 

All things considered, Rachael Ray may end up being the perfect pitchwoman for Obamacare: she’s not a real chef, she learned on the job, and then, through unrestrained obnoxiousness, like it or not, “Every Day” is now spent with Rachael Ray.

At first Rachael was somewhat endearing, but now she’s just downright annoying.

Grating personality or not, Obamacare could benefit a lot from Rachael, because after all, she is the queen of short cuts.  Time- and money-saving tricks are Ray’s forte; when compared to the cooking skills of the diminutive, classically trained chef Giada Pamela De Laurentiis, Rach is quite amateurish in her clunky chopping and cooking style. 

Amateurish and clunky – that’s Obamacare!

But most importantly, Rachael is an internationally-known word blender. Rachael Ray likes to whirr together word combos to describe cooking tools or food. Forget about tweets and Joe Biden guest spots, Obama should just get it over with and recruit the portmanteau phenom to help rebrand his healthcare fiasco.

The extremely hokey Ms. Ray calls entrée-sized appetizers “entrée-tizers,” chowder soup “choup,” soupy stew “stoup,” and the cross between a spoon and a spatula is a “spoonula” which, with all this healthcare talk, makes one think of cannula. 

Rach could do things like cleverly blend the names, and if need be rename ACA medical procedures that in the future, like a 30-minute meal, will take 30 minutes or less to perform.

By now, everyone knows that Obamacare is both unaffordable and inaccessible. Hence, for the ACA “Uh-Oh!” is likely to catch on just as fast as Rachel’s kitschy word Yum-o!

For a quick fix, how about folding in Rachael’s acronym for extra-virgin olive oil, EVOO?  EVOO could be used as an affordable topical treatment for all manner of rashes, eczema, psoriasis, and first-, second- and third-degree burns when Obamacare enrollees are unable to access medical care.

Rachael Ray affectionately calls sandwiches “sammies,” so why not put a fun spin on death by calling the morgue the morgie! A morgie is a better-sounding name for a place to toss Granny than into an original Rachael Ray “garbage bowl.”  Besides, with the backlog of bodies that will be piling up for identification as Obamacare kicks in, a bagged-lunch sammie is sure to be as common a sight in the line outside the morgie as weeping relatives.

Skilled at making the foul sound appetizing, Rach is the perfect representative for Obamacare. This is the woman who tried to convince America that her absolutely gross-looking 30-minute version of her German friend “Anna Maria’s Rouladen” was “Delish!”

The picture of the rouladen looked like something similar to what follows directly behind the cow flatulence that the White House is planning to regulate.  The finished product came with this admonition from the Obamacare shill: “I think this recipe comes close. There is no substitute for Anna Maria's, but if you don't know her, try this out.”

Simply apply Rachael’s claim to Obamacare and it would sound something like this: “this recipe doesn’t even come close.  There’s no substitute for the American health care system, but try this out.”  Then, make like Rachael, grin, and gag it down.

Jeannie hosts a blog at www.jeannie-ology.com