I suppose it is written somewhere in the Machiavellian Handbook of Political Stratagems that when you need to win an election and your entire record in office is a smoldering hulk of ruin reminiscent of the Twin Towers aftermath, one needs to let the devil take the hindmost and strike out at your opponent in any feasible fashion: a political knee to the groin, hamstringing his foreign policy from behind, a quick thrust to the moral jugular, or perhaps a calculated and relentless rhetorical fusillade consisting of wave upon wave of negative bludgeoning and rank character assassination. To wit, the president must divert our gaze from the following litany:

President Obama, having utterly failed in his tubercular handling of foreign policy matters, has proven his deftness in both setting the Arab world ablaze by his proactive stance in Libya and Egypt -- sending the region from the frying pan into the fire -- and reducing American prestige in the bargain through perfecting the art of obsequious groveling and national mea culpas.

Economically, he has presided over and instituted policies both prudentially feckless and counterintuitive to the fundamentals that nourish and animate private enterprise. Thanks to his frightening off the private infusion of capital into our uncertain business waters through the predatory alligators of fiscal tax and entitlement doom, America's economic and jobless stagnation have become self-feeding in their circularity, lowering our collective morale and poisoning the necessary unimpeded and rationally predictable atmosphere in which successful entrepreneurship grows.

Socially, he has proceeded, against the recommendations of every pragmatic and prudent mind, to undertake a wholesale absorption of 1/7th of the American economy through the fiat of government single-payer healthcare, succeeding in alienating doctors, nurses, and driving up costs as a result of his cynical denial of market forces in service to his opaque Fabian Socialist worldview.

Militarily, he has effectively condemned American soldiers to death in both Iraq and Afghanistan by telegraphing, for political advantage, our withdrawal of troops by setting hard dates within a strategically naïve exit strategy; and by this process, diminishing the sacrifice of men and women who gave their noble lives for a people they did not know. Moreover, this incompetence has the future effect of condemning generations of Afghanis to the cruel perfidies of the Taliban.

Domestically, he has impoverished American energy policy by burying a blunt axe in the skull of the coal industry and attenuating American energy independence through impeding domestic oil exploration and by nixing the construction of oil pipelines. He has, by the same token, shackled our hopes to the laughable chimera of wind and solar -- methods of collecting passive energy that cannot prove viable even under heavy subsidization by the federal government. Moreover, his de facto nationalization of General Motors and the propping up of that moribund institution wracked by exorbitant union demands, combined with his subsidized lionizing of the failed Chevy Volt, are indicative of his ham-handed business acumen.

Territorially, in ignoring by executive fiat the enforcement of our sovereign borders and unilaterally creating policy on the fly on behalf of partisan interests, he has degraded our national sovereignty, allowed foreign criminals to prey on American citizens, helped to overload local and federal welfare rolls and educational burdens, and exposed America to the very real threat of Islamic terrorists and drug cartels who move across the frontiers with impunity.

What can one say about such a man? Had he sworn to destroy America on his Inauguration Day, instead of defending her, he could not have inflicted much more tangible damage. Amassing 6 trillion dollars of debt; growing the food stamp program to epic proportions and viewing this as a net public virtue; assenting to a program that for dubious reasons sold automatic weapons to criminals that murdered American and foreign nationals and obstructing justice in the bargain; Trouncing on the religio-moral conscience of Catholics and Christians in order to ram down our throats the humanist manifesto of reproductive neutrality; consoling and abetting our sworn enemies and confounding our friends. Ultimately, he has succeeded in making America weaker. Obama has assisted men whose dreams of anti-American loathing would make America less prosperous, less secure, less wealthy, less powerful in a world increasingly filled with monsters of Olympian proportions; The president has muddled our space program and brushed aside our Christian heritage of law and moral accountability by giving opulent lip service to a foreign and retrograde totalitarian edifice that has enslaved a good part of the planet and led it into 1400 years of ignorance, penury, stagnation, and despair.

If I had such a record of accomplishments, you had best believe that I would be having my minions chasing Romney around the known universe with a flame thrower: castigating his religion, digging through his garbage, rendering onto the front pages of Newsweek, Mother Jones, The Nation, or The New York Times every casual remark or foible he had committed since he cut his first tooth. As of today, Romney has released many years of his back taxes, all as a result of Harry Reid's third-hand slander that he was a tax cheat. Will he get an apology? Who cares? The feces have been slung and have done their vile work in the servile minds that Reid hoped would entertain this calumny. Moreover, if I were the hapless Obama, I would pound till the Second Coming, or Election Day -- whichever comes first, that Romney is: rich, rich, extraordinarily rich, King Midas rich! The egalitarian plebeians hate the rich because they covet their wealth, and if Obama can inflame the venal passions of envy and moral rot effectively into the sinews of the election, then perhaps -- against all odds and all political judgment and reasoning, he might prevail. Then he can go back for another four years to his golf games, ignoring his intelligence reports, lambasting the Jews, edifying the Arabs, collectivizing the country, leveling wealth, devaluing the currency, and placing his legacy insignia on walls and superimposed on the likeness of American flags. Fundamentally making us more equal in our misery and less free in our own thoughts and conscious beliefs. Uplifting the planet while laying America's image low. Fulfilling the dreams of his father.