Not long ago the electric company replaced our meter with a smart meter so they won't have to send someone into our yard every month. Now comes an email, complete with link to stopsmartmeters.org, informing in breathless language that smart meters are just the latest attempt by The Man to undermine our health:

When I [Caitlin] returned home later, I discovered a smart meter on my house. That night I awoke to severe anxiety, headache, and buzzing in my teeth, and realized the new smart meter was on the other side of the wall from my bed.

Caitlin had someone put in an analog meter and--voila! all symptoms vanished at once. A carefully planned, double-blind experiment with a population of one. I'm convinced. Sounds like this "study" is ready for Nature or Science.

Wonder how I escaped those ailments, as our smart meter is just through the wall from my head for a year or so? No matter, Caitlin is not alone. "There are hundreds of thousands -- if not millions -- of people suffering in their homes from forced 'smart' meter radiation," said Joshua Hart, Director of the grassroots organization Stop Smart Meters!

Millions of victims. Millions. Who would gainsay the pronouncements of a grassroots organizer, one who can conjure millions of constituents out of thin air? And there are apparently many more like Joshua: "Widely disparate political groups -- from members of the Green Party to the Tea Party and Occupy protesters have attacked the program, and dozens of grassroots organizations have sprouted up over the past several months to fight."

"Widely disparate" indeed. One would think that Tea Partiers getting in bed with Greens and Occupiers would be front-page news across the land, yet this is the first I've heard of it.

The laundry list of ailments caused by Sudden Wireless Meter Syndrome is impressive: "headaches, nausea, tinnitus, and heart problems." Besides the health issues, installation of digital meters is associated with "widespread reports of higher bills, privacy violations, fires and explosions." That's some powerful technology. I only wonder that the devices have not been linked to Halliburton, Roswell aliens, and the Greek debt crisis -- yet.

Someone in the email chain apprising me of this grave threat prefaced the message with "This is important... Smart Meters ... NOT a JOKE!" No, I'm not laughing. Just getting déjà vu all over again: cellphones and brain tumors, microwaves and cancer, Alar and apples, holes in the ozone, global warming, the robbing of our precious bodily fluids ... Where does it ever end?

Henry Percy is the nom de guerre for a technical writer living in Arizona. He may be reached at saler.50d[at]gmail.com.