Obama finally stops smoking

By Ethel C. Fenig

This just in: President Barack Obama (D) has quit smoking.

Ever the good wife and/or mother, Michelle Obama proudly announced

"It's been a while and I'm very proud of him," she said during an hour-long conversation with reporters and her senior staff to discuss her anti-childhood obesity initiative. "I haven't poked and prodded. When somebody is doing the right thing, you don't mess with them."

Uhm Michelle, you've been married how long? Maybe your husband finally stopped smoking because you finally stopped poking and prodding. And while we're at it, don't poke and prod me about obesity, let's get moving, food deserts, smaller restaurant portions and other areas of my personal life, my private life and my financial life that are frankly none of your business. I'm smart enough to decide what to eat and how to remain healthy--and if I'm not qualified medical personnel are available to inform me. And frankly, you're not qualified.

So do the right thing, butt out, and we won't mess with you.