The Vegetative State of Liberalism

By Mark J. Fitzgibbons

Liberal Slate's constitutional/legal expert Dahlia Lithwick has her version of a humor piece attempting to mock the ObamaCare litigation.

A word to Ann Coulter: you've got nothing to worry about.

Repeating a rhetorical question asked by Judge Henry Hudson in the Virginia v. Sebelius case, Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli asks, if the federal government could force individuals to buy health insurance, what is to prevent government-compelled purchases of other items, even broccoli?

Lithwick cites to Mr. Cuccinelli's reference to broccoli, then walks us through various conservative critiques of vegetables over the years, from Ronald Reagan to George Will, claiming they are overstated hype about her socialist comrades wanting to impose a vegetable utopia. She asks, "What is it about conservatives and their fear of vegetables?"

Well, my dear Dahlia, I part from my fellow conservatives' fear of vegetables. In fact, I am an advocate of holistic health, albeit I certainly eat more than my share of sweets and unhealthy food. I guess we'll call that my choice -- for good or bad -- but my choice.

Call me Deepak, but I use magnet therapy for an arthritic-like condition in my knees, and go to a chiropractor for what was once a chronic back problem. I even brought my beloved Daisy Mae for acupuncture a little over a week ago, and was sent home with medicinal herbs for her. She's doing unbelievably great for a dog who recently had a malignant tumor and adrenal gland removed.

Yes, Dahlia, even Daisy and my other dogs now get more broccoli -- and spinach, carrots, apples, and organic yogurt. I even give them Omega fish oil pills and some wheat grass powder that I occasionally take myself.

Daisy's up in years. If she were human, I don't think ObamaCare would have been as good to her as I try to be, especially given the Obama administration's war on free-market health foods.

Dahlia, you write, "To be sure, a goodly amount of the conservative complaints about healthy food are thinly veiled slurs on women in general and Michelle Obama in particular." Who doesn't doubt that broccoli-phobes are misogynists?

My goodness. I never thought about that when consuming vegetables. Are my fellow conservatives mocking me behind my back, even questioning my masculinity because I choose to be part of your vegetated state?

No, Dahlia, it isn't that at all. You and your statist and socialist friends have so much to learn. But this is why I love reading what you write. It's great insight into the legal thinking of statist liberals.

Dahlia, I say bring on the vegetables. Just don't impose your statism on me.