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PrintNovember 9, 2010
Tales of 57 States: Nancy from Wonderland
Now is was during the reign of His Obamaness as POTUS of the Realm of 57 States that, while Himself sat upon His throne, He was carried aloft by the Lords and Ladies of the Donkey Clan. One prominent jenny among the Donkeys was Princess Nancy from Wonderland.
Princess Nancy was known throughout the Realm for her youthful appearance, despite having walked the Great Hall of Congress for many years. Wherever she went she was accompanied by her faithful shar pei dog named Botox. Some said it was the magic of Botox that kept Nancy looking young, while others said it was because she heralded from a different galaxy and had knowledge of a time-space continuum unknown to mere earthlings.
Others said that Nancy had once fallen down a giant rabbit hole, passed through the gate that led across a golden bridge, and entered a land full of wonder where up-was-down, right-was-wrong, and left-was-far left. It was also said that whenever she wished to visit this Wonderland, she would click together the red stiletto heels of her shoes and say, three times, "There's no place like the far left, there's no place like...there's no..." Immediately, she would disappear into a sparkling like that which spreads from a magic wand, and travel to Wonderland, in her mind.
The Donkeys and Elephants in the Great Hall of Congress could tell when this had happened -- the heel-clicking thing -- because Nancy would say odd things, accuse the Elephants of being great devils, and smile for no apparent reason, as though she had told herself a private joke that none other heard. Some said such behavior was the price Nancy paid for relying on the magic of Botox to keep her looking young. While others said it was, perhaps, from living in close proximity to a magic plant called Cambodian Red that grew across the Golden Bridge. But no one knew for sure, for the very mind of Nancy was itself a land of wonder.
A few blamed Nancy's behaviors on the Seven Dwarfs that followed behind her as she walked the Great Hall of Congress. They were named Barney, Steny, Weiner the Whiner of York, Alan of Grayson, Charlie the Wrangler, Maxine the Socialist, and the one they called Conyers No Read because he refused to read the Donkey declarations from the Great Hall before casting his vote for them.
In the Great Joust during the 2nd year of the reign of His Obamaness, among the many Donkeys who were emptied of their saddles in battles with the Elephant Clan was Alan of Grayson. Because of his skill at holding up signs that caught the attention of others, it came to pass that after leaving the Great Hall of Congress, Alan, who some called the Mad Hatter, put on a sandwich sign board and picketed outside a Panda Restaurant that read "Eat eggrolls today," on one side. "And die tomorrow" on the other. It was soon learned that he had not been hired by the Panda Restaurant at all, but by another eatery next door. But I digress.
It came to pass that, during the Great Joust, Nancy was the leader among the Donkey Clan that sat in the wing of the Great Hall of Congress representing the peasants and serfs of the Realm, although Nancy herself was very rich and had many slaves working in food-packaging shops in a place called Samoa.
After the Great Joust, Nancy clicked her red, stiletto heels together three times, and announced that the Donkey Clan had won a great victory to be celebrated in a lavish banquet held in a place called the Cannon Caucus Room of the Great Hall of Congress. All the Donkeys who had been emptied from their saddles in the joust were invited to limp, stagger, and crawl into the banquet hall to make merry and sing to their triumph over the evil Elephants. Some wondered of Alan of Grayson would come wearing a sign that read, "Will offend for food."
While all these things were happening, His Obamaness was carried aloft in the Far East by his bodyguards directed by Bob-son-of-Bagdad-Bob, emissary to the Town Criers, some of whom also helped carry the throne upon which His Obamaness sat - but fewer all the time, though. For it came to pass that, for those who remained, the weight of his throne had become harder to bare.
When asked if the Donkey Clan had suffered a great defeat in the joust, He said, "Not at all. They've merely dismounted to rest from their many accomplishments...accomplishments not yet properly appreciated by the people of the Realm."
Puzzled by His words, one pundit asked, "Wait, does, perhaps, His dog named ‘Bo' carry a strange magic of his own, too?"
