PrintNovember 14, 2010
Tales of 57 States: Happenings After the Great Joust
In the days soon after the Great Joust between the Donkey and Elephant Clans, it was rumored that three important events did occur, although some claimed that they were merely imagined in the mind of one who mused upon the doings of the ruling class. Perhaps it was so -- the imagined part -- but lest these happenings vanish from history for all time, herein they are told.
As His Obamaness the POTUS traveled the lands of the Far East, His spoke before the rulers in the Land of Curry. Now it was His custom when approaching Kings, Princes, Potentates, and other Grand Poobahs of foreign lands that He would bow in their presence. The serfs and peasants of the Realm of 57 States wondered at this behavior, for He would not humble Himself in their presence, neither with word nor with deed.
Many had decided that His Obamaness, by bowing before the rulers of other nations, was acknowledging the past haughtiness of earlier POTI. Others said He was entreating foreign peoples to forgive the Realm for all the evil it had done before He became POTUS. At least on one occasion, when He bowed to the King of Mecca, Bob-son-of-Bagdad-Bob, who often spoke for His Obamaness, said He had merely looked down to assure that the zipper of His trousers was secured in the full-and-upright position.
In any regard, after addressing the Curryland Parliament, His Obamaness returned to His palatial hotel. Upon stepping down from the elevated chair on which he was carried to-and-fro by adoring members of the White Palace Town Crier Corpse, a very large Currylander approached Him. The tall man wore a long, red velvet coat with many gold buttons the size of saucers. Beneath his coat he wore white trousers with a bright red stripe running down each leg. And, on his sleeves were many silver chevrons. To top it all off, upon his head was a wide-brimmed hat with a multi-colored pheasant plume that added nearly a meter to his stature. All in all, he was a very regal looking dude.
Upon seeing him approach, His Obamaness thought that this surely must be the famed Punjab of Jabalpur. So He bowed to the Punjab deeply from His waist. Bob-son-of-Bagdad-Bob later said He was merely checking to make sure His shoes were tied.
Alas, it was soon known that the man was not the Punjab but merely a hotel bellhop come to carry, one under each of his strong arms, the two former circus workers of diminutive stature who held aloft His Obamaness' scrolls to read, one at His left and one at His right, when He spoke to the Curryland Parliament. The White Palace Town Criers pretended not to see all this transpire as they looked away and changed the subject - something they once did often, but somewhat less so with the passage of time.
It also happened in the days soon after the Great Joust that, back in the 57 States, Joseph "the Human Whoopi Cushion" Biden, spoke on the day set aside to remember the nation's veterans. Joseph was himself a veteran of many battles in the Great Hall of Congress, but, due to an illness that miraculously vanished when he became too old to carry a spear and shield, he had, as a young man, been excused from service in the Realm's legions and ships of air and sea.
Joseph was a last-minute substitute for the new Senator from Connecticut, Sir Richard "The Lion Hearted Rambo" Blumenthal. Rambo Blumenthal was a bold warrior of imaginary legend who had fought valiantly against the Emperor Ho, not. He would begin the recollections of his military imaginations with, "Back when I was moving like a stealthy lion through the bush in ‘the Nam,' as we who were there called it, I..." The people of Connecticut chose him to represent them in the Senate because it was a place where he could use his skills to make things up.
The third event in the days after the Great Joust came to pass when Rambo Blumenthal refused to remove the multitude of metallic military memorabilia hanging from his yacht club jacket as he passed through the security from whence the flying machines embarked.
It was then that the woman some called "Big Sis," who was in charge of airport security, declared that, henceforth, all passengers would fly buck naked, or not at all.
Big Sis was exempt from this rule for, in her case, such would be a spectacle that only one such as the late, great Ray Charles, or Roy Orbison, could endure.
