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PrintNovember 6, 2010
Tales from 57 States: His Obamaness Flees the Joust
In the Bi-quadrennial Jousting Tournament during the 2nd year of the reign of His Obamaness as POTUS of the Realm of 57 States, after many among the Knights of the Donkey Clan emptied their saddles in their battles with the Knights of the Elephant Clan, His Obamaness did what other POTI did in times of trouble. When the going got tough, the POTUS got going...abroad.
And so it came to pass that His Obamaness, before departing, stood before the gathered members of the Town Crier Guild who dwelled in the White Palace, and said, "What we have here, is a failure to communicate." His words brought to mind the late thespian Strother Martin, but I digress.
His Obamaness said, "Alas, the Knights of the Donkey Clan were hindered by having short horses, heckling from the angry crowd, and former POTUS Bush the Younger loosened their steeds' harnesses when their attention was diverted by the heckling. But," His Obamaness added, "the bamboo lances with which I armed them were not, as some have claimed, the problem." Lady Obamaness said, "The loss does not reflect badly on Himself; it's all about too much trans fat in their diets. Let them eat cake."
When he, His Obamaness, said these things, the serfs of the Realm looked at each other with furrowed eyebrows. Even a few among the Town Criers wondered in their minds, inclined to accept all that His Obamaness said as being demigod oracles, if Himself had been smoking behind the White Palace when the Joust occurred. One citizen, who heralded from the Land of Cal-lee-four-nya, was heard to ask, "What's the Dude smokin'? We want some!" "Dude" was a nickname that Jonathan Stewart, a popular street jester, had given to His Obamaness. Oops, another digression. Sorry.
It came to pass, then, that after Himself had explained why the Donkey Clan got stomped by the rampaging Elephants, that His Obamaness set out to visit the Land of Curry and other places in the Far East.
His travelling entourage was a sight to behold. It included many, large, flying dragons. A legion of soldiers and men of the sea. His personal bodyguards, who numbered in the scores. Lords and Ladies of the Ruling Class. So many Town Criers that the people of the Realm wondered who would spin the news in their absence. Cooks, chamber maids, carriage drivers, stevedores, butlers, tailors, cobblers, physicians, blacksmiths...and a few members of the Service Employees International Union sent to seek out their union brothers and sisters in Curryland.
So many from within the District of the White Palace left with His Obamaness that some said they heard a great sucking sound out-of-town when they left. But in a district full of myth, that was just one more.
And so the great trek of His Obamaness to the Land of Curry began...with much fanfare and high anticipation that commerce and goodwill would come to the Realm of 57 States because of His far-ranging travels.
As for the cost of all this to the people of the Realm, the one they called Helicopter Ben said, "What's to worry. It's free. I'll just print more money."
