PrintOctober 16, 2010
Tales from 57 States: His Obamaness Casts Out the Shovels
In the 2nd year of the reign of His Obamaness as POTUS of the 57 States, the time of the bi-quadrennial joust between the Elephant and Donkey Clans loomed on the horizon.
The Donkey Clan was sorely afraid that the lumbering pachyderms would best them in the joust, for it seemed the Donkeys had lost much favor with the People of the Realm. And so it was that His Obamaness, Lady Obamaness, and Joe the Court Jester traveled throughout the towns and villages of the Realm delivering accusations against the Elephant Clan.
His Obamaness said that the Merchant & Peddler Class of the Realm, those whose shops and wagons sold pots, pans and pitchforks to the people, were giving gifts to the Elephant Clan that had been gathered from peoples in other realms.
For her part, Lady Obamaness called upon the people to keep unclean spirits away from His Obamaness.
And Joe the Court Jester, who proudly proclaimed that he would continue to be second-in-line to His Obamaness in 2012, said it was hard to explain to the people, them being so dull, how much they owed to the generosity of His Obamaness' gifts to them because, "Less bad is never good enough." When Joe said this, many in the Donkey crowd brayed in agreement, while others said "Say what?" (Later, a famous robber of banks named Willie Sutton never heard Joe's saying or else he might have said, "Think of how much more I could have stolen had there been more money in the banks.")
Now as His Obamaness traveled the 57 States, it was noticed by those having eyes to see that the line of Palace Functionaries that often stood behind Him when he spoke from the idiot boards held aloft, one to his left and one to his right, by two Palace Aides of diminutive stature who once worked out of a circus clown car before becoming His iPrompters, grew shorter until only Tiny Tim Geithner, the Realm's Exchequer, was left standing with Him. Many years later, someone would write a musical wherein a family named Von Trapp would exit the stage similarly, but I digress.
Alas, it was in the midst of one of these pre-joust Donkey gatherings that His Obamaness said words that captured the attention of peoples throughout the 57 States as he spoke of catapult-loaded, high-impact, palace programs promised to promote the People's prosperity... in later days known as "shovel ready projects."
It had come to pass that His Obamaness had collected many pots of gold from the people, as well as borrowed much gold from the Land of the Panda, in order to fund these ghostly projects. So it was a moment of great interest when He announced that, "There's no such thing as shovel-ready projects." His Obamaness spoke His oracle about phantom shovels to one among the Guild of Town Criers from the Big Apple, one called The Gray Lady because of her advancing age and atrophied circulation.
Now His shovel saying was not heard clearly by many with Donkey ears because they were deaf to any revelation, even from His Obamaness, which suggested that His words were not oracles from the gods, as once claimed by Mario of Cuomo, Father of Prince Andrew, who said that His Obamaness represented a "new kind of intelligence." Yes, he did.
Upon hearing His saying wherein He cast out the shovels, many with Donkey ears said, "Oh, okay. So there never were any shovel ready projects to begin with. Big whoop."
Such was the inability of many of those who worshipped His Obamaness to hear anything said, even by Him, unfavorable to Hisownself.
