The Beatification of Hillary

By Paul Shlichta

After all these years, the Christian Science Monitor is starting to live up to its religious name. At least they are beginning to publish hagiography-the reverent biographies of saints. In the current issue, their candidate for canonization is St. Hillary Clinton.

Howard LaFranchi's "Hillary Clinton: A Quiet Brand of Statecraft" is as gushily adulatory as Chris Matthew's leg tingle. In a soft cooing voice, LaFranchi portrays, almost like a litany, Hillary the politician, Hillary the diplomat, Hillary the tireless patriot, Hillary the mother, Hillary the woman. And the article is accompanied by eighteen photos, suitable for reproduction in stained glass.

If you think I'm exaggerating, read it for yourself. But I advise you (a) to do so only in small doses with rests in between and (b) not to do so if you have diabetes.

At first glance, the timing is, to say the least, puzzling. So far, Hillary's track record is rather less than dazzling. Considering our deteriorating image abroad, our diplomatic failures in the Middle East and Asia, and our utter failure to stop Ahmadinejad, it would seem more appropriate for Hillary to plead, like a Nuremberg Nazi, "I was only following orders."

But just as in Las Vegas, there are no coincidences in politics. This article was published only because the high priests of Hillarity wanted it published. This may be the opening gun of the campaign for "Hillary as Plan B" in 2012.

Rats may desert a sinking ship but vixens are smarter; they stay close by, where they can do the most damage while gaining Brownie points as tireless patriots. In this regard, the last paragraph of LaFranchi's article is fascinating:

Clinton may not have yet made the "strategic leaps" that some say the 21st century requires of American diplomacy. If the president calls, her sense of duty may well have her decamping the State Department for other climes. In any case, she has said she cannot envision remaining in a job with such a grueling pace into a second term, should Obama win reelection. In the meantime, she will pursue her vision of renewed American power in the way of the global politician she has become: audience to audience, one village at a time.

I dare to suggest that this can be interpreted in several different ways.

If Obama's stock continues to plummet, he will undoubtedly be the last to realize it. He will refuse to admit failure and will stubbornly insist on running for reelection, regardless of what the polls say. That will be the moment when a desperate Democratic party turns to an ennobled St. Hillary, purified of all past sins, and begs her to save the country (party). And she reluctantly but graciously consents.

In corroboration of the Plan B theory, permit me to paraphrase Sherlock Holmes:

"Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?"

"To the curious incident of Bill Clinton's recent outbursts."

"Bill Clinton has been silent lately."

"That is the curious incident."

Admittedly, I'm a bit tetchy about the Clintons; perhaps I'm jumping to conclusions. If I'm wrong, then you won't see any further attempts at the apotheosis of Hillary. But if you do, be warned and beware.

hat tip: Donna Dugaw