America, you're such a mess! Think your economy is in a muddle and sinking in a puddle? What you need, America, is Obama ShamHow! the super-absorbent socialist philosophy that absorbs all the ills of capitalism with just a few quick swipes! Obama ShamHow! can suck up trillions in national debt and make them magically disappear, leaving you, America, to never again worry about unsightly national deficits and their sticky, inconvenient residues spoiling your shiny pathways to utopia. 

Concerned about all those mis-managed medical costs associated with private control of your health care, America? Obama ShamHow! will sweep your cares away with a few broad swipes clearing the way amazingly and thoroughly for a new miracle cure for all that ails this country.

Still stuck on fossil fuels and clean coal, America? Obama ShamHow! can wipe those 20^th Century anachronisms up with a few carefully placed ShamHow swipes so that federally-subsidized windmills and solar farms will lay like a cold, wealth-absorbing blanket over the new, clean America freezing out the warmth and wealth  those evil, fossil pollutants might contribute to our economy.

Jobs? We don't need no stinking jobs when we have Obama ShamHow! to wipe those capitalist-inflated unemployment statistics off the scoreboard and leave our Democrat controlled government with a clean new playing field and scoring system regarding labor statistics. Hey, America, Obama ShamHow! was invented by a German and you know the Germans always make good stuff!

Well, OK, maybe we should waltz a few steppes east for a better example, eh? Hey, at least Uncle Joe understood mass social modification, or, as Rahm might put it, marketing, huh? And he sure knew what to do with the few million or so who wouldn't buy the product.

Obama ShamHow! Wiping up all the spills of human history with just a few easy swipes.

You with me Teleprompter guy?