PrintJune 13, 2009
President Obama Names Little League Czar (satire)
The naming of a Little League Baseball czar came as a surprise to parents and players alike this week.
President Obama appointed former Senator Tom Daschle to the role of Little League Baseball (LLB) czar. In his introduction of Daschle to the nation Obama said that LLB had, for many decades, needed a more equitable method of distributing talent and assuring fairness among its various leagues. He said,
“It’s important to our nation that baseball continue to be our national pastime, next to basketball, of course. And, that the youth of the nation, where the future generations of shortstops and catchers are born, be given a fair chance to become national champions. As it is now, we have difficulty competing against youth representing other nations, like Taiwan. The role of Senator Daschle as a czar will be to assure that every boy can hope to compete in the LLB World Series.”
Daschle is the latest addition to the President’s cadre of, now, 43 czars. Last month Obama appointed a new truck czar, vodka czar (Vladimir Korsakov being the first non-citizen czar), and a pet czar. When asked if his newest czar appointment represented a further expansion of the role of the Executive Branch, Obama said,
“I don’t need to be looking for more things to do. Right now I have two wars, one recession, automobiles, banks, health clinics, pets, vodka, trucks, office supplies, groceries, clothing, professional Football, the NBA, farming and fishing, just to name a few.”
Next month the President is expected to name a czar for maritime shipping.
When asked about his appointment, Senator Daschle said,
“I’m honored to have this role, but I really don’t know anything about baseball.”
Daschle will office in the newly constructed Peter the Great Palace of the Czars erected on the site of the former Capital Building.
Vice President Joe Biden threw out the first pitch of the new LLB season that accompanied the Daschle appointment and caused a brief delay in the beginning of the game by throwing the ball to first base.
