Tales From 57 States: The Elephant Stampede

By Kyle-Anne Shiver and Lee Cary

Lo, after the Clan of Elephants lost the great POTUS race to His Obamaness, the elder elephants gathered around a watering hole to ask, “What is it we must do to run faster than Donkeys?”

And behold, many and varied were the ruminations from their pachyderm trunks as they contemplated their fate as a clan.

One among the herd was a brother to Bush the Younger and son of Bush the Elder. His name was Bush the Youngest, once leader of the Elephant Clan in Gatorland.

Now it came to pass at this gathering of the long tusks that Youngest was among those most outspoken, for he raised his trunk high and trumpeted these words,

"You can't beat something with nothing, and the other side has something. I don't like it, but they have it, and we have to be respectful and mindful of that.

So our ideas need to be forward looking and relevant. I felt like there was a lot of nostalgia [for Reaganus the Giant Elephant] and the good old days in the [Elephant] messaging. I mean, it's great, but it doesn't draw people toward your cause.

[I]t's time for [Elephants] to listen first, to learn a little bit, to upgrade our message a little bit, to not be nostalgic about the past because, you know, things do ebb and flow."

As Youngest said these things, many among the Elephant Clan heard them with happy floppy ears, shaking their large heads up and down, stomping their front feet in agreement.

Some thought, “Is this not what Nancy of Wonderland, the jenny leader among the Donkeys, said we should do? And is she not exceedingly wise in these matters?”

One young bull among the Elephant Clan, Eric of Cantor, said the pachyderms should “begin a conversation with the [people of the Realm of 57 States] and explain [Elephant] principles to everyone who will listen”? (Among the herd, a few looked at each other with furrowed elephant brows as if to ask, “Principles?” For, you see, they thought this was a meeting about how to win, not about principles.)

Among the people of the 57 States, those who had favored John the Warrior in the great race for POTUS spoke quietly asking. “The counsel of Youngest is worthy of consideration for he is, indeed, a prominent elephant. On the other hand, after Bush the Elder and Bush the Younger were POTUS, did not the Donkeys capture the POTUS Palace with ease?” Their pachyderm lips puckered as they contemplated this dilemma.

Others asked, “If we pachyderms are to begin harkening to the people of the Realm, then, pray tell, what is it that we’ve been doing all the while instead of harkening?”

And still others proclaimed, “Youngest is, indeed, right – but not too right of right, of course. Elephants must no longer visit the bone yard of their great ancestors. Instead, they must trim their tusks and upgrade their ears with piercings. Maybe trade their trunks for donkey noses. And, as the Youngest has said, skip the ebb and go with the flow.”

Such were opinions trumpeted among the gathered Elephants both many and varied.

So much so that, as the herd dispersed, what seemed clearest was that which the pachyderms seemed best prepared to do next.

Stampede in all directions.

[For an explanation of the title of this series see this video.]