This is Pinewood Lane, in Anytown, USA. A street probably a lot like yours. Happy citizens enjoying the bounty of living in this great land of ours. At 1102 we find the Baxters -- Mom and Pop, teen twins Bobby and Debbie, little Susie and Grandpa. A typical family who knows what it means to be an American. Why, here comes Gus the Mailman! I wonder what he's got in his mailbag for the Baxters?

How about that -- it's a mortgage bailout for Pop, an NEA grant for Mom's transgressive performance art collective, and guaranteed student loan applications for the twins. They're off to State U next fall to study Lacanian Semiotics, you know. And for Gramps, a letter from Medicare -- they've finally approved that gender reassignment surgery he's always wanted.

Yes sir, that's a mighty fine benefits package the Baxters harvested today, all courtesy of the United States of America in Washington DC. Hey, wait Gus! Before you head off to your next stop, Pop has something for you, too. It's his annual tax contribution ready for delivery. Patriotic Pop is mailing it early this year because he knows the wise folks in Washington will put that money to work for all of us through the collective magic of economic stimulus. No wonder Pop sealed it with a kiss!

That's the beauty of our American Free Prize System - regular folks bundling our money together for our leaders, who return it a thousandfold in free prizes for all. How does it work? All we really need to know is that it's the best system in the world. A lot of us take it for granted - but there are some who want to take it away.