PrintJuly 27, 2008
A Tale from the Land of Fifty-seven States
In the eighth year of the third millennium, near the time the earth's Great Cooling began, a London town crier called Gerard the Baker heralded the coming of the Child who was the Anointed One. The London Baker's news fell upon many among the people with shock and awe as it offered a gift uncommon to the silly season -- laughter.
It was also true that, in the Land of Fifty-seven States, there were those among the town criers who took note of the Baker's proclamation with cold silence, for they knew that the Child was Him who was of their choosing. They had selected him from the herd called Candidates.
Now, among the criers were three Wise Anchors who brought gifts to the Child from the East. Katie of Couric, Brian son of Williams, and Charles of Gibson. They offered Favor, Deference, and Praise.
Along with Matthews of the Tingling Leg, Blitzer the Wolf, Howard called Fineman, Joseph in Klein, and many others among the loudest criers of the land, they had, as a guild, decided that the Child would be the Chosen One. When their eyes had first fallen upon him they all, with one voice, cried out, "This is the one for whom we have waited. Him we shall exalt above all others, and in exalting him, we too shall know the glory of exaltation."
So it was that whenever the Chosen One spoke, the criers of the land would make straight his crooked ways and pave smooth his path to ascension. For in placing him high upon the shoulders of the people, they hoped to uplift themselves.
Yet, there was another who aspired to be chosen. One called John the Warrior. Once upon a time, he had been the one from the Clan of Elephants most favored by the town criers, even over the clan's elder, Bush the Younger. Warrior John did not know that the criers had used him to foil the exploits of the one they called "W," for John was himself not without ambition.
John the Warrior was shocked and awed to find that he had fallen from favor in the eyes of the criers, for they no longer spoke his name, nor were they heard to refer to him anymore as Maverick.
Alas, the light of insight shined full bright on Warrior John the day the senior crier, Old Gray Lady, falsely claimed that John had known a woman of the Lobby Guild. The scales fell from John's eyes and he knew he was no longer a wild horse, but had been set, in the minds of the town criers, out to pasture. And so it was that John the Warrior knew he must steel himself for hard jousting with His Obamaness, the Favored One, for powerful were the forces that had chosen the Child.
