Stop astronomy before it's too late!

By James Lewis

It had to happen sooner or later. The End of the World meme (Global Warming Vsn. 22.70) has gone cosmic. Yes folks, the destruction of the whole Universe is at hand. As the London Telegraph headlines, Cosmologists claim by observing dark energy the universe has been nudged closer to its death.

As Rogher Highfield writes in the Telegraph,

"Forget about the threat that mankind poses to the Earth: our activities may be shortening the life of the universe too.

"The startling claim is made by a pair of American cosmologists investigating the consequences for the cosmos of quantum theory, the most successful theory we have.

"In a nutshell, (Quantum) theory suggests that we change things simply by looking at them and theorists have puzzled over the implications for years. They often illustrate their concerns about what the theory means with mind-boggling experiments, notably Schroedinger's cat ...

"New Scientist reports a worrying new variant as the cosmologists claim that astronomers may have accidentally nudged the universe closer to its death by observing dark energy, a mysterious anti gravity force which is thought to be speeding up the expansion of the cosmos."

We're doomed. If the CO2 doesn't get us, the fatal flaw of looking at the universe will. Like some modest virgin of years gone by, the universe will not suffer herself to be looked at.

There's only one solution.

Humanity must stop looking at the universe. No more romantic stargazing with your inamorata. No more school trips to the observatory. We must pass laws that will punish people from looking at the sky. Smash the telescopes. Stop those Quantum people from thinking. And above all, Stop Astronomy! All those astronomers do is make things worse by looking, always looking like some maddened cosmic voyeurs ... .

First humanity polluted the rivers and the lakes; then the sky became smog-laden; and now our voracious curiosity is ruining the Whole Cosmos!

Where is the United Nations? Where are the Global Warming campaigners? They haven't been thinking big enough. Think cosmically, act locally! From now on, the only direction we can look is down!

James Lewis blogs at dangeroustimes.wordpress.com/