Iran Arrests 14 Squirrels For Spying

By Rick Moran

Via Memorandum, Ynet has the exciting espionage story of some highly trained, stealthy rodents who were caught entering Iranian territory. Or maybe they were left wing squirrels and only wanted to surrender:

Iranian intelligence operatives recently detained over a dozen squirrels found within the nation's borders, claiming the rodents were serving as spies for Western powers determined to undermine the Islamic Republic. "In recent weeks, intelligence operatives have arrested 14 squirrels within Iran's borders," state-sponsored news agency IRNA reported. "The squirrels were carrying spy gear of foreign agencies, and were stopped before they could act, thanks to the alertness of our intelligence services." Iranian police commander Esmaeil Ahmadi-Moqadam confirmed the report, saying that a number of squirrels had been caught bearing foreign spy gear within Iran's borders. "I heard of this but I have no specific knowledge on the subject," he said. He refused to give further details.

Obviously something must be done. We can't disavow these patriotic creatures, can we? Risking life and paw in a highly dangerous mission to destabilize the Iranian regime and sow chaos and discord among the population, don't they deserve better than being abandoned? Can't we mount some kind of rescue mission? We could call it "Operation Rocky" and run it out of Baghdad. I should say that this sounds like a Dick Cheney operation from the get go. Cute, cuddly, furry little squirrels on a mission of death and destruction - that's Cheney, alright. This on the heels of Karl Rove's brilliant plan to genetically alter soft, furry little badgers into towering monsters with a taste for human flesh and set them loose in southern Iraq near Basra where the worst of the Shia militias are fighting for control. Would someone please tell me what the heck is going on in the Middle East with the wildlife lately?