Judging by al—Qaida's latest proselytizing drive, the group is fully convinced that their peculiar form of religion can be made attractive to infidels like us. And in a way they are right, since — depending on your personality type — militant Islam has indeed much to offer. No matter how strange or twisted your desires may be, they will surely not be left unsatisfied. There is truly a wealth of options.

If you are into blood and gore, for example, they will let you carry out your own beheadings. As an extra bonus, you can have your act videotaped and posted on the internet.

If you are fed up with life and want to put an end to it all, you can become a suicide bomber.

If you do not feel like meeting your virgins just yet but enjoy watching other people die, you can take participate in planning and executing various terrorist plots. Again, there is wide choice to satisfy your particular bent. You can take part in everything ranging from attempting to poison water supplies through blowing up night clubs and trains to bombing planes for that added air excitement twist.

If you are a more gentle type and enjoy community living, you can relocate to one of the societies run by al—Qaida types. There you can enjoy the brotherhood in addition to the dysfunctionality, backwardness, corruption and misogyny that invariably accompany it. You are, however, advised to take care, because if you depart from the orthodoxy in word or deed it may be you that will end up headless (no virgins for that).

As you can see, there is something for everyone which is undoubtedly why Ayman al—Zahawri is calling upon you to convert.

Vasko Kohlmayer   9 05 06